In this business, there’s nothing like being injured to trigger those oh so helpful feelings of existential dread. Like it isn’t bad enough already that you blew a knee or took a bonk to the head or whatever and can’t earn a crust, but it gets worse ‘cause you end up wallowing in your own self-pity and question just about fucking everything about your existence as time goes on.
In what were a total accident - infuriating in itself ‘cause it meant I didn’t have anyone to blame - I separated my shoulder at a show back in October, which luckily weren’t bad enough to require surgery, thank god, but was enough to keep me on the shelf for several months while I healed and then started to rehab the injury. Talk about a pain in the arse. I fucking hate rehab, it’s awful. Some dickhead telling me what my body can and can’t do, while my emotions float somewhere between wanting to cry and wanting to punch the prick telling me it’s only pain and it’ll be worth it in the long run. Sure mate, but if I break your nose, it’ll end up with charges being laid against me for assault despite it only being pain for you too, so cut it out with the silly bollocks routine, eh?
The biggest kick in the teeth was that GCW didn’t even care about to explain to the knobheads that watch the product what exactly had happened. “Undisclosed injury”. What the fuck is that, huh? Not being funny, but even Anne fucking Frank could have seen it was a shoulder injury that left me having to relinquish the Heritage Championship when I got hurt, surely the intern isn’t so dumb that he can’t tell his arsehole from his elbow… or shoulder, I guess? But that’s the way it was announced; Kat Kelly, sister of Trinity Street, sister-in-law of Lucas Knight, Yvonne Knight, and soon to be GCW Hall of Fame, Cody Knight. Former member of The Monarchy - who were represented in GCW I should point out, rather than only in SCW and the IWC - and current member of the most dominant group in GCW, The Sovereign. All of that, and they announce I’m out by saying I’ve got an undisclosed injury and I’m giving up the belt. Nothing else. Cheers Kat, sorry you’re banged up, but we don’t care enough to wish you well in your recovery or even explain how you’re banged up, just that you’re gone and we’ll announce who’s replacing you as champion in due course. What a load of bollocks.
Still… it took em four months to crown another Heritage champion, so maybe they at least realised that there wasn’t anyone who could really replace me and they left it a while before trying. I’m sure Mariah, whoever the fuck that is, will do a horrible job of holding the gold, but she’s trying bless her.
I know, I know, I sound bloody bitter, but it’s with good reason… I am. I know me and my girls may have caused a few headaches and been a bit of a bugger to people at times, but fucking hell, we made bank for that company. And it felt like a disrespectful slight that not only did they basically say nothing about wishing me a speedy recovery so I could return, but I were more or less fucking ignored since. Sure, they were paying me each month, thanks to that beautiful little clause in my contract that says they can’t fire me while injured, and once a month I had some prick pick up a phone to call me for a welfare check, making sure I’m not gonna gash my own wrists or whatever I guess. But no updates on social media, no mention of me on shows. For all intents and purposes, I was fucking dead, publically at least. Sure gives you a warm fuzzy glow to realise that your employers basically see no value in you whatsoever. Made me feel bloody grand, that did.
And Lexy turned into a bit of a nightmare because she could see it were all happening, too!
Piece of advice for any of you who care; unless it’s absolutely necessary, never share a house with someone who works for a rival company, regardless of what industry you work in. If they ain’t thinking espionage or infiltration, they’re trying to convince you to change teams. And no, that don’t mean she was trying to talk me into bed with her, get your heads out the gutter you filthy cunts.
She were at it from quite early on, in all honesty. In fact, to be properly honest, she’s been trying to get me to come to Supreme Championship Wrestling for ages anyway, before the injury I mean. Lexy likes to think of herself as some superstar manager over in SCW now, because she’s got a couple of clients and one of em’s a bit of a billy big bollocks around the place. Ace Marshall. He reminds me of the kind of douche that Trin would want to kick their teeth down the throat of, from what I can gather… but Lexy’s also clearly fucking him, from what I can gather, so I didn’t mutter any of that out loud, because if I did she’d only sulk, and then I’d be cooking and doing the dishes every night, because that’s the kind of petty she can be when in a mood. Save the nukes or bombs, it’s chore-warfare in our gaff, with her.
I’m no stranger to SCW, obviously. There was that whole Monarchy, cross-promotion nonsense back in two thousand and fifteen, where we were basically ruling the roost in two different companies at the same time and I even appeared on SCW shows once or twice before it came to an end… but Lexy was trying to talk me into cutting ties with GCW and jump ship to SCW full time.
February 28th, 2021
Thousand Oaks, California
“Just think about it,” she reasoned, picking up the conversation for what felt like the nine hundredth time in the past two weeks as I fixed breakfast for the two of us, the caffeine from my first sip of coffee not yet helping top up my Lexy’s Bullshitometer despite drinking more than half of my first mug of the stuff already. Maybe I should skip coffee and just mainline Red Bull straight into my veins, intravenously. “You already know people there, aka me. And Autumn. And Ace, maybe, kinda… and there’s Lucas too, though he’s a bit of a stick in the mud these days, being all good and nice and ethical and friends with David Helms so I’m not sure that’s a positive actually…”
“That’s my brother-in-law, Lex…” I reminded her, tapping the final egg on the side of the bowl I was using to prep our scrambled eggs.
I wasn’t even looking at her, didn’t need to, because I knew what her face would be doing. That half guilty half amused smirk that I saw every fucking week when she was talking shit about our opponents. I also know it’s as bent as a nine bob note too, or the guilt part was at any rate… the smirk was probably genuine.
“Oops?” she offered, as I turned to lean back against the kitchen worktop while starting to beat the eggs with a fork. “Wait… stop changing the subject, dude! This could be great for your career, why can’t you see that?!”
“I never said I couldn’t, love…” I conceded, with a shrug. Which is quite a feat when you’re currently whisking eggs in a glass bowl that isn’t quite big enough for the task. “I’m perfectly capable of understanding that a gig in a company like SCW will mean money and all that bollocks… I just don’t care…”
Lexy’s face was a bloody picture, let me tell ya. She looked shocked, offended, disgusted and scared in equal measure. Quite impressive for someone who struggled to remember to breathe at times. No offense, love. “Jeez, ‘tell me you grew up rich without actually telling me’ moment or what?” Lexy scoffed. To be fair to her, maybe I did come across as a little entitled just then. I mean, the only reason she even lived with me was because her and her - ex now I guess? - could barely afford rent at the time, and I wanted to help, so I can see why money issues would be a sore subject.
“I didn’t mean that to sound how you took it, Lex,” I told her. “I just mean that I don’t consider the financial element to be the most important aspect when considering my employment, love, that’s all.”
“Then what the hell is important to you, dude?!” Lexy said, flapping her arms in frustration and looking like some sort of fucked up flightless bird. Dodo’s were flightless, right? Pretty sure they may not be extinct after all, because there was one standing right there in front of me, giving me those doe eyes and - evidently - struggling to understand where I was coming from. “SCW is like, one of the biggest companies on the face of the planet, even the starting money over there is better than the top earning contracts in half the feds out there, you’d be crazy to turn this opportunity down!” she pushed, really doubling down with the hard sell.
Was it that foolish of me to think that money shouldn’t be a deciding factor on where I work? I mean, am I just a numpty for thinking that there’s more important things in life than earning a few quid extra? “I told you love, it ain’t about the moolah,” I reminded her, rolling my eyes. “If it comes to a choice between earning a few quid more but not enjoying myself or earning a few quid less and having a lot more fun, I’m taking the pay cut every single time Lex, that’s just how I operate.”
“And you don’t think you’d have fun with us?” Lexy asked me, wide eyed. I’m sure she did that bollocks on purpose, the deer trapped in headlights or puppy dog eyes expression, knowing how chuffing hard I find it to say no when she does it. “Dude, Ace and Autumn and me, we totally have fun in SCW, you’re so missing out if that’s what you’re looking for! We can make this so much fun for you if you just let me add you to my client base. I’ve already got it all worked out, the offer is right there, big money, great percs and above all else, a Wicked Intent reunion that everyone will go completely nuts for, obviously!”
“Except you’d be standing on the outside of the ring while I get kicked around inside of it, love…” I pointed out, one eyebrow raised. Evidently that part hadn’t factored into Lexy’s pitch to try and get me become the latest member of Lexy’s Angels of Lexycorp or whatever she was calling it this week depending on what side of the bloody bed she got up on. “Not exactly a Wicked Intent reunion if one member of that reunion is nice and safe on the outside while the other one takes the beating, is it lass?” I added, and I could already see the cogs spinning in her head as she looked for a reason why that didn’t matter.
Credit where it’s due, it didn’t take more than an instant for her to find it. Evidently she’d had her Weetabix this morning. “Ah, but that just means I’ll be better served to keep an eye on you, dude!” she reasoned, nodding enthusiastically. “Because when we were a team, I was generally busy trying to stop someone from wanting to kick my ass at the same time so I couldn’t really look out for you, but now I’m a superstar manager, my attention can one hundred percent be on looking out for you, my client, can’t it?!” she reasoned. Like I said, I have to hand it to her, she did well coming up with that one on the fly.
“You’re really pushing for this, aren’t you?” I said, rolling my eyes before picking up my mug to take another sip of coffee. I really wasn’t awake enough for this conversation, but the caffeine was at least helping. “I’m just not sold, love…” I told her, as I pulled the toast out of the toaster that had just popped up behind me. Taking the eggs off the heat, I buttered the toast and plated it up before scraping eggs onto both plates before walking over to the kitchen table to put our breakfast down so we could start eating.
“So what, you’re going to go back to GCW where they didn’t even bother to explain what injury you picked up?” Lexy asked as I started to tuck into my food, choosing to shrug instead of trying to speak with my mouth full. “Dude, no. The way they announced an unspecified injury then shifted the emphasis to talking about that title you had to vacate, that is not what you should just accept, okay?” she said, shaking her head as I swallowed the food I was chewing. “And don’t even think about justifying that bullshit, because no. Just no. If I have to give you a reason for no, then all hope is lost with you…”
I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t planning to try and defend it, love!” I made sure to stress, because honestly, that bollocks pissed me off and Lexy knew it, given how much I ranted about it at the time. But that didn’t mean I had to throw a strop and walk away, either. “But the pricks in charge don’t like us anyway, so there’s that. Sure, it’s an intern running the twitter, so it ain’t like I can take it as a slight from management, but there’s no secret that Tabitha Silverstone can’t stand us in Sovereign, ‘cause we give her nothing but problems. I’m not exactly shocked that there wasn’t any fuss about me getting hurt, it probably did that cunt a favour; one less issue to deal with, having to figure out how to get the Heritage championship off of me…”
“That attitude would never fly under my guidance, dude. Just saying,” Lexy informed me, and much as I love her, I wanted to tell her that she had a long way to go before she ended up with the same level of clout as her old man had, for instance. But I didn’t want to piss on her bonfire and figured it would be cruel to point that out. “Kat, come oonnnnn… why would you want to go back there when I have an amazing contract all but gift wrapped for you in the biggest company on the planet?!” she asked, getting whiny now. It was almost adorable just how much she was starting to beg at this point, I won’t lie. Like a puppy desperate for another treat or something. Don’t tell her I said that, she’ll sulk for hours because she’ll think it means I was calling her a dog or a bitch or something.
I sighed and just shook my head as I took another bite of my breakfast, but she hadn’t even touched hers yet, she was busy just looking at me with the puppy dog eyes and growing increasingly annoyed at the fact I wasn’t giving in and letting her have what she wanted. “Your food’s gonna be cold if you don’t start eating soon, love...” I told her after swallowing the food I’d been chewing.
“I don’t care!” she whined, shoving the plate away. Little ungrateful love. There’s kids starving in Africa or something, but whatever. “Why? Why won’t you go for this?! Fame, fortune, adulation--” she started to say, before I cut her off at speed with a brow so quirked that I think Johnny Depp wanted to star as it in a movie directed by Tim Burton and she backtracked immediately. “Alright, so maybe not adulation, because you’re kind of a bitch, but the fame and fortune goes without saying… plus you’ll get to ave fun every week too! Isn’t that what you want?”
“You assume I don’t have fun in GCW,” I told her, putting my knife and fork down and sighing. “I do, love. I have great friends on Shotgun, people I’ve been having fun causing trouble with! And let’s face it, Lex, it doesn’t matter which company I end up working for, the fans are never going to love me because I’m not a goodie-two-shoes who care’s about their opinions. Most of ‘em are wankers, I’ve met enough to know that,” I told her and this time she actually nodded her head, agreeing with me. “What matters is that I can do what I wanna do, have some fun and cause some trouble… and I can do that in GCW.”
“But not with me!” Lexy told me, pouting. “We used to have so much fun in IWC, kicking people in their faces, we could do it all over again! A bigger, grander, Superkick Soiree to throw for all of SCW to attend, tell me that doesn’t sound like fun!”
“It does,” I told her, and truthfully it did. I mean, who doesn’t love kicking people in their faces, ya know? Especially some of the uppity cunts in SCW, who could sure use kicking down a peg or six, all things considered. “But something sounding good doesn’t make it the right decision, love. The grass isn’t always greener and all that…”
“Ugh, you’re impossible,” she said, throwing her arms up. “You’ve got me begging you to join, a ready made group of people to raise hell with, the expert guidance of SCW’s number one manager to help get you right to the top and an oven-ready contract just waiting for you to sign when you finally say yes and it’s still not good enough for you! Kat Kelly, you’re a fucking nightmare, dude!” Lexy went on, and I dunno if she was just whining or it was an attempt to guilt me giving in, to be honest. Maybe a little from column a and a little from column b? Sad thing is, it was kinda working.
“Why do you want me in SCW so badly?” I asked, trying to flip the conversation on its head a little, trying to understand. “You’re doing great without me there love, why is it such a big deal for you to get me on board too?”
“Because, heaven forbid, I should want to have my friends around me while I take the managerial world by storm!” she told me, shooting me a stern look that was, I dunno, supposed to make me feel guilty for even questioning her? It only kinda worked. I’m not sheepish, you’re sheepish. Shut up! “And I know that you’d make a fantastic addition to my core group, if you’d only stop being so stubborn! Plus, after Crystal turned out to be such an ungrateful bitch, I want to work with people I can trust going forward; I’m not investing any more time in people who will only throw it back in my face when they finally gain success. I got that bitch a fragrance deal, a title shot! And that’s how she repays me?!”
Well, can’t say things didn’t make a little more sense at least. This was as much about Lexy’s feelings being hurt - though she wouldn’t admit that - as it was about her wanting me to join her or take her on as my representation or whatever… and strangely, it made me more than a little more open to the idea too, for some reason. Don’t ask em why, ‘cause I ain’t got a fucking clue, but for some strange reason known only to the fucking spirits or whatever… I found myself actually considering it.
“And you say that there’s an offer in place already?” I asked, tyring to be nonchalant as I did, scooping up another forkful of eggs to take a bite.
Lexy was like a fucking shark after smelling blood in the water, as soon as I asked, latching onto the question like she saw weakness and wanted to strike while the iron was hot. “Oh for sure! Lots of conversations, several discussions about things with management, totally!” she told me, which seemed like a string of buzzwords without much substance but who was I to argue? “How could anyone take a long at the longest reigning IWC tag team champions and not realise it made fantastic business sense to bring the free one in, anyway? Even if SCW seems to be run by clowns at times, even those big-shoe wearing morons on the board will know that this is good for business!”
“How much are we talking?” I asked, wanting to try and steer things back to some sort of factual base, rather than Lexy trying to give me the hard sell.
“Oh, good money! Really good money!” she told me, nodding enthusiastically. “Plenty of zero’s on the end of it, believe me. Obviously not as good as what I got Ace on when he returned,” she went on, and while I wasn’t exactly sure she even had anything to do with Ace when he came out of the woodwork again, I let it slide as she continued on with her pitch. “But money isn’t important to you, remember? This is about having fun and causing trouble and kicking people in the face! So are you in? Huh? Are you?! Say yes dude, please! I swear, it’ll be the best decision you made since you said me and… him… could move here!” she finished, and I was impressed at how well she managed in not saying Nate’s name as she visibly bounced up and down in excitement where she sat.
I thought about it for a second or two, wondering if this was what I actually wanted to do. GCW would no doubt be expecting me to return once I was fit, and so would Aubrey, Chanel and Chantelle, but…
...this was SCW.
A company my family had way more history with. A company my brother-in-law still worked for.
A company I had fun in once before, even if it was a brief one night appearance… and I probably could have a lot of fun there again, under the right circumstances, which Lexy seemed to have somehow manufactured, in recent weeks. Even if some uppity bint was the true catalyst for her wanting me to jump ship and join a rival company in order to take my spot with her. “Alright, so let’s say I may be interested--” was all I managed to say before Lexy jumped from her seat, quite literally jumping for joy as she ran around the table and threw her arms around me.
“I knew you’d come around!” She told me excitedly, as she damn-near bloody deafened me by screeching it directly into my lughole. “Oh my god, I have so much to do!” she added, letting go of me before starting to flit backwards and forwards in the kitchen, like she didn’t know where to start. “I need to call Autumn… and Ace… we need to speak to whatever her name is that’s running GCW too, I guess? Oh! And I should probably call SCW head office to request a meeting too, right? Do you think I should buy a new outfit? I should totally buy a new outfit… maybe a matching pantsuit… that screams hard-ass business woman, right? Definitely want to make the right impression…” the flapped, her pacing only increasing as she started to clearly panic about everything that she believed needed doing right at that very moment or as soon as humanly possible.
“Um, Lexy?” I started, already worrying that this didn’t sound too great, but of course she didn’t hear me, she was lost in her own scatterbrained world at this point.
“Okay, so what do I need?” she asked herself. “Business pants, duh. But what else? Um… erm… uh… ooh, a highlight real! Do you have a highlight real?” she asked, turning to me for all of a tenth of a second before turning away again, clearly not needing an answer. “Doesn’t matter, I can make one. Grab video from youtube, from the vlogs and show clips from IWC and GCW… what else? Think Lexy, think… what else would you need to convince a prospective employer to hire you? Gah, I was always awful at interviewing, I have no idea how I ever got a job before wrestling!”
I watched her pace backwards and forwards, but all I could concentrate on were the words ‘what else would you need to convince an employer to hire you’, which sent a cold shiver up my spine. What the fuck, love. I thought you said they’d already made an offer?! “...Lexy?” I said, worried now. She ignored me of course, talking to herself repeatedly. “Lexy…” I tried again, but she continued to mutter to herself under her breath and I only caught little snippets of what she was saying now.
Words like ‘persuage’ and ‘bound to be interested’, and a whole host of similar phrases that really started to convince me that she’d at best been selective with her word choices and at worst, her mouth had run away with itself while the truth was still at home making it’s morning coffee.
“LEXY!” I finally yelled and she snapped out of her reverie to spin around and look at me, almost coming across as confused, like she didn’t know why she was stood there. That didn’t exactly do much for my peace of mind. “You did actually speak with SCW, right?” I asked, not willing to hold my breath, given how convinced I was that I already knew the answer. “There is already an offer on the table, isn’t there? A contract I can actually look at?”
The way her cheeks flushed bright pink gave her away before she’d even said a word. “...okay, so maybe I was a little hasty, but--”
“For fuck sake,” I said, shaking my head before holding my face in both hands.
“No, it’s fine. Totally fine. Nothing to worry about, or my name isn’t Lexy Chapel!” she said, fake optimism flooding her voice as she tried to recover from the glaring error of judgement. “I’m going to go make some calls and we’re going to get the ball rolling and I guarantee that by this afternoon, we’ll have an offer on the table and you will be my new team captain!” she said, turning and heading for the door before I’d even looked up from the vice like grip I had of my temples.
“Woah, no, Lexy! Lexy wait!” I shouted out as her backside disappeared from view, and I quickly got to my feet and rushed after her, but she was already upstairs before I’d even got into the living room, and I actually heard the lock of her bedroom door click as I made for the stairs. Why? Why did I always let her talk me into these crazy schemes or plans of hers?! It’s been the same for bloody years now, I always fall for it!
“Lexy Chapel for Sasha D. Tell her it’s important!” I heard through the wood of her bedroom door as I reached the landing, and by the time I’d started to knock, tempted to flat out just kick the damn thing in, I heard her continue.”Sasha! It’s Lexy. Great to hear your voice. So listen, do I have the pitch for you…”
I gave up there and then. Do you lot have any idea what it’s like, living with a fucking jugarnaut of chaotic energy? I’ve been doing it for years at this point, you’d think I was used to it by now… yet somehow, her insanity still managed to surprise me on a near-daily basis. And now I’d given her carte-blanche approval to sort out a contract with SCW that I thought was an iron-clad offer, only to discover that there was more iron in an etch-a-sketch than in Lexy’s promises… still, I guess I shouldn’t grumble, right? I mean, at least my life is exciting, I suppose? It could be a lot worse. I could be one of those boring cunts that sits at home at night, reading a newspaper or learning to crochet or something. I ever end up like that, I want Lexy to put a bullet in my brain. That or I’ll do it myself, save her the trouble of becoming Mrs Big’s prison bitch after she’s arrested on murder charges. That’s if I don’t murder her first anyway, and find myself in that position, after one of her schemes proves one scheme too far and I snap. Never a dull moment in this fucking house, I tell ya…
The video opens to show a single silver and black stool chair in the middle of the room, with plain black curtains hanging at an angle to the left and right which frame a white projector screen in the middle of the backdrop. Movement catches the eye from the right of the screen as Lexy Chapel walks into the shot wearing a black pants-suit and white blouse, taking a seat on the stool before looking into the camera and smiling broadly as she begins to speak. “In two thousand and fifteen, the wrestling world was changed forever when a new tag team emerged The video opens to show a single silver and black stool chair in the middle of the room, with plain black curtains hanging at an angle to the left and right which frame a white projector screen in the middle of the backdrop.Movement catches the eye from the right of the screen as Lexy Chapel walks into the shot wearing a black pants-suit and white blouse, taking a seat on the stool before looking into the camera and smiling broadly as she begins to speak. “In two thousand and fifteen, the wrestling world was forever changed when an emerging tag team arrived on the roster of one of Supreme Championship Wrestling’s competitors and biggest rivals, the Independent Wrestling Cartel,” Lexy says, her hands folded in her lap.
Behind her, the screen lights up, showing still frames from the Independent Wrestling Cartel’s opening video package for their bi-weekly show “Riot”. “A quick bond was formed and victories followed,” Lexy continues as the still frames continue to flash up on the screen behind her. “Something Wicked wasn’t just on it’s way, it had already arrived, with the team in question showing their Intent right from the start and Tag gold quickly followed...”
Behind Lexy, the images start to shift focus, and instead of stills from the opening of Riot, we see shots now from shows, but they seem to focus around two individuals. One of them is Lexy Chapel, and the other is her former tag partner, Kat Kelly. “I shouldn’t have to explain to anyone but the dumbest of you watching, who that team was,” Lexy says, smirking as she continues. “But for those of you who are slow on the uptake, I’m talking about the current reigning IWC World Tag Team champions,” she says, complete with another smirk, given that IWC folded years earlier. Logic be damned, in favour of good spin.
“Myself, and my former partner in Wicked Intent… and my newest client, Kat Kelly!” Lexy says with another broad smile. “That’s right fuckers, welcome to the SCW of twenty twenty one,” she continues, dropping the formality as she switches back to the Lexy that people know and hate. “A new fresh landscape where, holy fuck say it ain’t so, but people don’t have to act like they have a stick up their ass to get ahead. They don’t have to pretend their shit doesn’t stink or pretend to be the Patron Saint of Pro Wrestling to gain recognition.”
“This is a new era for SCW, a new tour-de-force being built by Lexy Chapel!” Lexy says, with great excitement. “And with that in mind, fuckers, it’s time for our feature presentation for the evening. And so, I give you, Lexy Chapel presents… “Shit Talking, with Kat Kelly”!” she finishes, before standing and applauding as she steps to one side and the video screen behind her goes black.
:: SHIT.TALKING.WITH.KAT.KELLY ::
The video then fades from the set to a black screen, before the new shot fades in, and we see Kat Kelly sitting on the same silver and black stool, with the black curtains hanging in the background behind her instead of the screen. “Well would you fucking look at this, huh?” she says, smirking. “It seems I have a bit of a thing for turning up in SCW without being invited, doesn’t it?” she asks, grinning mischievously as she laughs to herself a little.
“I mean, it happened once before, a few years back didn’t it?” she asks as she continues. “Back when Monarchy was still ruling the roost and having our fun across several companies at once, be it here in SCW, over in the sister-promotion IWC, or further afield like GCW or ___.”
“And then, a couple short weeks ago…” Kat continues, pausing as she chuckles to herself before picking up the thread again. “A couple short weeks ago, would you look at that, who arrives unannounced and hops the guard rail to give a certain uppity bitch a reminder that she’s nothing special and definitely isn’t too big to get a slap?” she says as she holds a hand up to her mouth like a school child who’s been misbehaving but finds it amusing.
She then slaps herself on the back of the hand, chastising herself ironically. “Naughty Katrina, very naughty!” she says, still smirking. “Here’s the thing though; sometimes… by which I mean most of the time… being bad? It feels bloody good. And I know there some people can turn over a new leaf and all that wonderful bollocks, but me? Well…”
Kat appears thoughtful for a moment before shrugging. “I guess I just like being the woman that I am!” she says, arms out is a ‘oh well’ sort of gesture before lowering them again. “Which pretty much sucks for people like Crystal smurf hair Zdunich or whatever the fuck her last name is, doesn’t it? ‘Cause that means, for better or worse, I’m gonna have to simply continue being a cunt to people… and to be fair, why change a winning formula?” she asks, smirking.
“So Crystal… hiya love, nice to meet ya,” Kat says, shifting gears. “I know you might not recognise the face on the screen, so I’ve asked my editor to do me and you a favour and throw up a picture you might have a bit of an easier time recognising. If he’s done his job, it should be appearing here, now,” she says, gesturing to her left with an outstretched palm. Above where here hand is, a second picture appears, of the sole of a sneaker.
Kat instantly starts smirking. “Not sure which shot is cheaper, the picture that’s hopefully there or the superkick back at Retribution,” Kat says as the shoe disappears from the screen and she lowers her hand. “Which one do you think, Crystal? Which one do you find more offensive, being kicked in the face or being reminded of it?”
Somehow, Kat manages to keep a straight face for longer than she imagined before she giggles to herself after a couple seconds. “Okay, so I guess that was a trick question, really; if you’re not offended by both, you’re dumber than you look, let’s be honest... but here’s a question that isn’t a trick question, Crystal. Was it deserved?” Kat asks, raising an eyebrow. “Now maybe the picture I just shared on here was more about me being a bitch than anything, but the superkick that Lexy and me almost took your head off with? Sweetheart, you one hundred percent deserved that, for being an ungrateful bitch!”
“You realise that, right Crystal?” Kat asks. “You realise that what you did to Lexy was stupidly bloody ungrateful, don’t you? After everything she did for you, all the opportunities she got for you, business deals made on your behalf to make you a star, only for you to turn your back on her the minute you actually did something half decent inside of a ring by beating the mexican Trumpster to win the television title?”
Kat shakes her head. “And I’m sure you’ll spin some woe is me bollocks, about how she was riding your coattails or trying to make a name off of yours or something equally as lowbrow, but the whole of the wrestling world knows that you’re only trying to convince yourself when you say that,” she explains to the camera, nodding her head for emphasis. “Before Lexy, what were you here in SCW, Crystal? I’m not talking about achievements elsewhere, we all have those… but in this company. In SCW. What were you?”
“Nobody… nothing… a laughing stock with a blue rinse…” Kat says, smirking. “And then Lexy took you under her wing. She had worth, had value. She’s the bloody daughter of an SCW legend, even if I’m not exactly overly fond of the guy. Sorry Lex. And the world was your oyster, Crystal! You could have had so much! You could have been a part of something… and then you threw it all away after the smallest taste of what was to come. How’d that work out for you?”
Kat scoffs, before shrugging. “But hey, you go ahead and blame us, huh?” she says, smiling sweetly. “Go ahead and tell us we’re bad people or naughty, or that you’ll come out of the traps swinging for the fences or whatever bollocks you’re planning to waste my time with in the next few days… we all know that there’s going to be as many threats and excuses as empty platitudes and promises. Hopefully we’ll get a good of cliche bingo out of it… I won’t play the drinking game version though, I don’t fancy ending up in a coma.”
“What I do fancy though, love… is a debut victory this coming thursday night,” she continues, smiling. “I made my grand entrance at Retribution, much to your dismay I guess, but this week… well, I get to rub some salt in that wound, don’t I?” she asks, her angelic smile a wonderful juxtaposition of her mean words. “Not only did I help contribute to costing you the match a few weeks ago, but you’ll have your chance for redemption this week and I get to piss all over your bonfire and stop you from getting it. Fucking delightful.”
“Did you really think that Lexy needed you to make a name for herself, Crystal?!” Kat asks, scoffing. “You couldn’t be more wrong, love! Why did she need you? Why would she need you?! She has Ace Marshall on her books, multi-time former SCW world champion! A verified main eventer! She had Autumn Valentine on her books! A multi-time former SCW tag champion! She didn’t need you to make a name for herself Crystal, she wanted to help you. And you threw that right back in her bloody face, love! And that’s why we kicked you in yours!”
Kat, pointing at the camera, lowers her hand and shakes her head sadly. “You got ideas about your station, that’s the problem,” she says, with a sad shake of her head. “You took your what, seventeen years in the business? You took that experience, you got a taste of success at long last in this place, and you let it go to your head. Much like our feet did at Retribution I guess?” Kat says, chuckling. “But that dream came crashing back down pretty bloody quickly didn’t it sweetheart? Took what, one week? You told that little bald sex pest he was a has been, past he’s prime or too long in the tooth and that it was your time to shine and the only thing that shone that night was the lights as your stated up at them after Allocco beat your smurf haired arse.”
“And just like that, the dream was over. Poof!” she continues, gesturing with her hands to signal up in smoke or exploded. “And instead you turned to thoughts of revenge, of getting even with the one person that had had your back for months. You even brought in a little help to watch your back in Lexy’s place, as if someone could do better than what Lexy did for you,” Kat continues, with a scoff of disbelief. “But while Diamond’s may be a girls best friend love, they did you no favours at Retribution, did they? She didn’t shine brightly that night, because once again you ended up on your back staring at the lights with another loss while Lexy once again proved that she was what was best for your career!”
“But it’s your loss, I guess…” she concludes, with a shrug of the shoulders. “A loss in more than one sense, really, given how much you’re losing out on her guidance and how you lost at Retribution and have a date with another one on Thursday night! And make no mistake love, that is what’s gonna happen… because while I’ve not exactly been all that kind about you Crystal, I sure as hell plan to give you my worst out there in my SCW in-ring debut!” Kat confirms, nodding with enthusiasm. “Not because you deserve it sweetheart, but because I do. Because Lexy does! Because Ace and Autumn do! We deserve to stand there and make bloody sure that you understand just how badly you fucked up by deciding you were bigger than your boots and better than us!”
Stretching her arms out in front of her, Kat laces her fingers together and cracks her knuckles before shaking her arms out, as if limbering up. “Your season as champion got cancelled after the pilot, love…” Kat tells the camera, smirking. “But that’s what happens when a show loses the star director and tries to keep going with an inferior replacement and pitiful cast, I guess? Don’t fret though, my dear. Thursday night we’ll show you what real star appeal looks like and when it’s… lights camera action, as you like to say… I won’t hesitate to take my directors instructions and like the leading lady I am in this gaff, I’ll nail it in one take! See you Thursday, love. I can’t wait to meet my co-star properly… ta-ta!” Kat says, miming air-kisses to the cheek of a non-existent persons cheeks as the scene then cuts back to Lexy Chapel in the previous backdrop.
“And that, fuckers, is what we call a wrap!” Lexy says with a broad confident grin on her face. “Aaaaaand… scene!” She finishes, bringing a film clapper board up to the camera, snapping the bar on the top shut with a resounding clap and as she does, the video cuts to black.
