06-05-2020
Dear Diary,
Okay so technically it’s not June 5th, because I’m sat here writing this on Saturday morning, with what feels like a pack of screeching monkeys playing drums inside my head and I’m kind of scared to go down to breakfast out of embarrassment…
I’m hungover, Diary. Severely hungover.
It started with just a relaxing glass of wine while I had the place to myself, but one thing led to another and I finished a bottle before breaking out the gin. And before I knew what was going on, I was wasted. Like… doing stupid stuff that I know I probably shouldn’t level of blotto. Hence the embarrassment.
Oh Diary, I really made an ass out of myself last night. See, a week or so ago, Jordan was texting me about something and she went to send me a photo but instead of sending the one she intended she accidentally sent me a photo of herself by mistake. And okay, no big deal right? Only this was one of THOSE photos.
Cue lots of embarrassment on her behalf and lots of laughing on mine… I mean, it WAS funny, Diary, it really was. Only it kind of threw me because I stopped looking at Jordan the same afterwards, you know?
And it’s not just because I saw her naked, because hello, wrestling business; you see naked women all the time, it’s a hazard or perk of sharing a locker room, depending on how you look at stuff. But this was different.
I think until that point, I’d almost been looking at Jordan as a sort of little sister, almost. She had all these problems, needed some direction or someone to perhaps give her advice about where she was heading and I guess my mothering instinct kicked in or whatever, but I honestly hadn’t thought about her in any other way but purely platonic… until she accidentally sent me that darn photo!
What was I supposed to do, Diary, pretend I hadn’t seen it?!
I tried to ignore it if I’m honest, but I mean, even I know that Jordan is attractive. She’s cute as hell actually, but I won’t argue over semantics… but until last night, I’d just gone on with things like normal. But the gin, that brought it out of me, Diary. We were texting, and… well, let’s say the mood struck I guess, without getting graphic.
And I may have done the dumbest thing ever, Diary, because in my drunken stupidity, I told her I was in the mood and that I was kind of regretting the fact that I’d deleted the photo she sent me by mistake. Like, OMG, why?! Total facepalm moment. Like, I’m cringing just reading the texts back. Just ignore me sweetie I told her in a text, after blabbering about being drunk and that it was the gin talking… even if maybe it was more me covering my own ass because, as embarrassed as I am, I’d asked if she had any more photos because I had some things I needed to deal with. Yeah, real slick, right Diary? Jesus.
Things you need to deal with? She text back, the three little dots appearing again straight away before I could even start typing. I’m not sure I can ignore any of this she added with a second text that left me wishing the ground would open up and swallow me.
Ugh. I should quit drinking. I quickly typed back to her, thankful that autocorrect was on because I’m SURE my typing wasn’t quite up to scratch at the time.
The little dots appeared again. Why was she able to start replying straight away? She was meant to be grabbing dinner with Cookie! It feels like you’re asking me for another picture. Like… she sent me, and a massive wave of shame washed over me once she’d realised what I’d been alluding to. I kind of went into defense mode mode at that, starting to type before a photo appeared in the text chain. Another of Jordan, topless. My eyes widened at the sight of it, and I instantly started feeling worse about everything.
You didn’t need to do that, sweetie. Omg, I’m sooo sorry Jordan, I shouldn’t have said anything… I quickly typed out and hit send. But between the two of us, Diary, I was already typing with one hand. My other hand was resting on my bare midriff, my fingers stroking the skin of my stomach.
Oh geez her reply said as it came back. Why did I send that? Cookie has me drinking like a fish. I’m sorry.
Sweetie, you have nothing to apologise for I typed out in reply. It’s me in the wrong here. I’m just clearly frustrated. I’ll delete the photo and we can pretend I didn’t say anything, okay?
Her next reply was one that caught me ridiculously off guard. Another photo. This one was a selfie of her. Naked. In the tub at my place. Which showed how recent it was! I guess I should say sorry for using your tub? She added in her next message, right under the photo. I couldn’t even think of how to reply to that with real words. I ended up sending a couple emoji’s instead, the open mouth one and the drooling face one. Classy, huh? So um… do you like them? Jordan asked in another next.
You have no idea I sent back, grinning to myself, even if I’m cringing about it now. I think it’s a good thing you’re not home right now, let’s put it that way sweetie I told her, no doubt over what would have happened if she was. My hand had already slid down from where it was moments earlier, resting over the cloth of my panties now.
The next message that came through left me short of breath. Maybe I should be she typed back, before the dots appeared and then another message came through. So we could talk.
No no no no no I sent her back, actually shaking my head in person too, not that she could fucking see it. This was a text conversation, not FaceTime. Because if you do come home sweetie, we’re not doing any talking I added, lifting my phone up a little higher as I snapped a photo of me laying on my bed in my underwear. It was the least risque thing ever, but it made a point.
The three little dots appeared straight away. Wow she said. ...that doesn’t make me want to be home any less, you know?
I know Diary, I know it was the fucking stupid thing to do, but I was swept up in the moment, okay? Swept up in a wave of arousal and maybe the idea that someone so much younger than me, who could have her pick of the women, would be interested in me. My thumb danced across the screen as I typed out a reply. The fingertips of my other hand toying with the elastic waistband of my panties as I did so. If you come home, things are going to get complicated…
Those fucking dots again. Why was she paying me so much attention instead of Cookie? It didn’t feel fair. Then her reply came through. If I come home, I’m tracing the outline of your tattoos with my tongue it said, probably the bluntest I’d ever heard Jordan be. And enough to leave me sliding my hand underneath the band of my panties.
I closed my eyes for a minute and took a deep breath. I knew I probably shouldn’t send the reply that my thumb started typing out as soon as I opened my eyes, but I could already feel how wet I was from the conversation and my hand down there wasn’t helping. Sex brain, it’s an awful fucking thing. Being blunt for a minute, if you come home, we’re way past the point of no return… but when you do, I have a better use for your tongue. My doors unlocked. If you don’t turn up, I get it. You don’t want to risk things, it’s a bad idea, whatevs. We’ll say no more about it… but I’m starting without you so if you ARE coming then you’d better hurry, babe I typed out and my thumb hovered over the send button for a minute before I pressed down. I swiped away from the text screen after that. I felt a little guilty, I won’t lie… but I was so turned on in the moment that I didn’t care, and my only hope was that neither of us would regret it if she did come home.
And then I woke up in bed this morning, Diary, alone and still in my underwear from last night, and the aforementioned monkey’s are paying tribute to Keith Moon inside of my skull right now, even after grabbing a glass of water from the faucet in the bathroom and taking some aspirin from the bottle in the bathroom cabinet.
The thing is, Diary...I’m not sure what makes me feel worse, right now. The shame or regret over what I’d said… or the fact that I woke up alone, my door still closed and no sign of Jordan. I mean, I’m kind of mortified that I got that carried away because I had a few drinks, but… I think I’m kinda gutted that she didn’t take me up on the offer too. Is that bad? It definitely feels bad, Diary, it feels like I shouldn’t be thinking about my ego in all of this, but how I must have seriously embarrassed Jordan with the shit I said to her.
Ugh. I wonder why she didn’t come home? And see?! I shouldn’t be wondering about this kind of stuff. I should be worried about how I’d possibly ruined our friendship, not sulking because I was stood up, for want of a better way of putting it. But I can’t help it. Is it because she was humouring me with her replies and she isn’t actually attracted to me? Or maybe she was being sensible and knew that going there would probably fuck our friendship up? If it’s the latter, she’s obviously stronger than I am, because looking back through my messages that I just showed you, Diary, I’m clearly a lot weaker than she is. Lust is a horrible thing at times. Yet even as I was transcribing those messages, I couldn’t help looking longingly at the photos again. I should totally delete those, right Diary? It doesn’t feel right to leave them there, knowing that Jordan chose not to follow through with what we were talking about…
And omg diary, she just text me now, so she’s definitely awake, and from the text, she’s home too. Coffee pot’s on, shall I make us breakfast? Unless you went back to sleep again, but I heard movement up there so I don’t know? Is what she’s just sent me. I feel like I should reply, tell her I’ll be down in a minute. She wants to make us breakfast, which is super cute of her… but if she’s home, that only cements the fact that she chose not to come to my room last night. Rejection is always going to be super sucky, even if maybe it’s the right decision, you know?
I should text her back. I’m gonna do that now.
Okay, I guess I’ve got no choice but to get up now I’ve text her back. I told her I’d be down in a few minutes, had to buy myself some time. I feel like death warmed through right now, so I should probably shower at a minimum. I think I’ll just go for the head in the sand method, Diary. I’m not going to bring any of this up unless she does. I mean, that’s what I said we’d do when we were texting last night, right? If she chose not to come then we’d pretend it never happened. And I guess that’s for the best, anyway. I really like Jordan as a person, despite the obvious attraction stuff, and I’d REALLY hate to lose her as a friend, so I’m going to pretend this never happened. If she can do that too, we should be fine. Because I’d much rather have an AMAZING friend than one night of great sex, you know?
Okay, Diary, I’m going to go and grab a shower and try and make myself presentable for the day ahead. Wish me luck, okay? I may just need it if I’m going to pull of pretending last night’s conversation but I’m gonna try my best. I won’t fuck up one of the best parts of my life right now, even if I think we’d have been great together for one night.
I’m gonna shut up now. Shower time! Until next time, Diary.
Mwah!
Kath
Xox
The video begins and we see Kathryn Pearson sitting on a purple couch inside of her home. The edge of a coffee table is just about visible at the bottom of the screen as Kath gives a little wave. “Hey everyone!” she says with another casual wave. “Jeez, I can’t believe it’s been three weeks already since I last sat here!”
Kathryn gives a little laugh. “But time flies when you’re having fun, am I right?” she asks, grinning. “And I’m not joking about that, at least. Three weeks ago in Cardiff was fantastic, but the last three weeks for wrestling fans have been unreal in general, haven’t they? I know we’re not supposed to talk about the competition so I won’t mention any names, but we’ve had some great wrestling this last month and I’m sure you know what I’m talking about!”
“But now it’s back to business,” she says, giving a single nod. “I’ve been on vacation since I last sat here and I loved it, but now I’m ready to get back to what matters, and that means talking about my match this coming Monday on Emerge forty two from Bonnie Scotland!” she says, smiling excitedly. “I love that phrase. “Bonnie scotland”. It makes the whole place sound so cute, doesn’t it? I mean, I’ve been told it may not live up to my expectations once I get there, but… well, I’m sure I’ll love it either way!”
“Because the setting isn’t really important, is it?” Kath asks, before shaking her head. “No, what matters is that we’re heading to another awesome city to put on another great show for the fans of EMERGE wrestling! And I’m expecting quite the challenge this Monday night,” she says, nibbling her lower lip nervously. “Because this week I’m facing someone who has been around this business for years, working for many companies and has a string of achievements under his belt… and in the process somehow manages to combine the ego of three people and talks more crap than a whole squad of toxic teenagers on a game of Call of Duty online!”
Kath grins sheepishly. “I have a ten year old kid, otherwise I’d have no idea what that even means,” she says, laughing. “Thing is, Danny Darko has been around a long time and maybe he has the right to brag a little, given what he’s achieved. Maybe I’m just being uptight. But at the same time… what on earth makes him think he has the right to brag knowing he’s been a glorified punchbag here in EMERGE for months?! And I know that’s totally mean of me, sweetie, I know it sounds rich coming from someone who’s one match into their time in the company,” she says, looking guilty.
“I maybe don’t have the right to criticise given my limited experience here, in UWA and in IWC,” she says, nibbling her lower lip again. “But from what I’ve seen, Danny Darko’s arrogance comes almost entirely from the fact that he helped his wife beat the ever living hell out of Jason King and Willow Wilkes at the last Invasion and other than that, he’s got very little to brag about save for a run as half of the now-defunct Duo’s champion’s and even then, his own randomly selected partner couldn’t stand him!”
Kathryn shakes her head. “But whether Danny thinks I have a right to comment or not, this is my video and I’m not going to be quiet like a good little girl either!” she says, sitting up and looking confident. “You seem to have a problem with women who do as they please, Danny… and maybe the things they’re doing are wrong, maybe Cindy shouldn’t be here in EMERGE and her gaggle of acolytes should be thrown out with her… but you think that excuses you from dropping to her level and bragging about it?”
Kath shakes her head again. “Nuh uh!” she tells the iPad that she’s using to record her promo. “It doesn’t work that way, Daniel! We don’t operate on the ‘an eye for an eye’ principal in this company or in this business! And those who do are no better than the jerk-butt’s we fight against! So you can dress things up however you want sweetie, but what you did at Invasion, and this attitude you’ve shown since, regardless of how well intentioned you think they are, they’re bull poop and sooner or later your receipt is going to come for you!” she tells the camera, looking disappointed. “And then what, Danny?”
“What happens when someone decides they’re fed up of dealing with your attitude and they drop you on your butt?!” Kath asks, arching a brow. “Are you going to wait a few months and then attack them in turn and keep the whole cycle going forever?! No!” she snaps, looking angry. “That’s not how this business works! Yes, maybe the formula has been the same for years, but that doesn’t mean good people should perpetuate the negative traits that we’re supposed to fight against!”
“And I’m not going to stand for it. Nuhuh!” she says, shaking her head again. “You used to be a good man, Danny. You tried to rally the troops, you stood up to the butt-faces and would always do the right thing… but you stopped caring. You stopped caring and you became as bad as the people you claimed to hate! Well not me! I’m not going to sit back and watch you throw your career under the bus or hurt this company more than it has been hurt already! Because I still care, Danny! And on Monday, I’m going to show you how much! Because on Monday, I may only be making my second appearance in this place, but my love for the business transcends the halls of this one fed and encapsulates the whole business! And that means that EMERGE’s problems are my problem too! A problem I’m going to tackle head on when I make my way to the ring in Glasgow. I’ll see you there...” she finishes up, bringing her fingertips up to her mouth and kissing them before blowing the kiss towards the camera. “Mwah!” she sounds out with another huge smile on her face as she wiggles her fingers at the camera by way of a goodbye before she reaches out to his the stop button on her iPad to end the recording.
