So I guess it’s fair to say that I’ve not exactly had the same kind of year that big bro’s been having since we both came back alongside Lucas at Day Of Infamy back in January, huh? In fact, I think it’s actually fair to say that twenty twenty has basically been a bit of a balls up, all things considered… I mean, unlike my darling big bro, I came up short at Trio’s, then I took a great big tumble down a big fucking rabbit hole at Cold Blooded. Then Fatal Fortunes fucked me royally by drawing me in a damn cage match against big match Dave, which I promptly lost because of the annoying as fuck migraines I was suffering as a result of going down the rabbit hole, the same headaches that caused me to make the decision not to even compete in Taking Hold of the Flame this year in case I ended up getting one mid-match! And don’t even get me started on the shit-show that was Rise To Greatness! And okay, so don’t get me wrong, I was truly fucking delighted for both Regan and Dave; watching Regan go Supreme was amazing and she deserves it, and I shouldn’t even need to waste time on explaining why I was over the moon to see Dave kick Bree’s ass from pillar to post before taking the World Title from her, surely? But on a personal level… yeah, Rise to Greatness sucked!
Seriously though, biggest show of the year and while Regan’s becoming a Supreme champion and Dave’s becoming the champion, I got my ass handed to me on the undercard by a guy who for all intents and purposes, has been claiming he’s a fucking demon hunter since he arrived here, trying to make me believe I’ve got a damn demon inside my melon! And okay, so maybe demonic possession is a thing, or could be a thing at any rate… but I’ve watched a few episodes of Supernatural in my time, dammit! When Demon’s possess people, they get those cool as fuck black eyes, or yellow, red, a whole host of fucking colours, and they can just snap their fingers and people die! Me? Well, unless rolling around on the floor holding your head and groaning like someone who’s constipated and desperately wants to take a dump is a superpower - and I’m sure that I haven’t seen that in Marvel or DC - then I’m fairly confident that no demon’s were involved in anything that was going on with me! So yeah, probably not an actual demon hunter then… more likely to be a batshit crazy nutjob that wanted to play games with people to get inside of their heads, someone with a penchant for fucking with people in the second best way possible rather than an above board, legit, the power of christ compels you demon hunter. And maybe I’m not the best person to criticise anyone for their choices or their desire to fuck with people because yeah… Jason Helms, professional troll, nice to meet you. But at the same time, there’s something almost insulting when someone tries that bullshit with me, because I’ve made a career out of that since I arrived in SCW! It’s basically been my damn bread and butter!
And I get that maybe I don’t have exclusivity on being an asshole or a troll or just messing with people, given I’m definitely not the first to do it and I know I won’t be the last… but that doesn’t mean I have to like it either!
And it’s becoming something or a worrying trend if I’m being honest, people thinking they can fuck with my head since I returned. I dunno man, maybe it’s the fact that I came back with Dave and Lucas, or specifically Dave, because they know he’s Mr. By The Book and they think I’m gonna tow his line now that we’re both competing at the same time or something equally as asinine. I’m not my brother and I don’t think I’ve ever been like him, other than being handsome as all fuck and a great wrestler… but he wishes he could be like me and blow off steam whenever he wants. Seriously, think about that one. How much quicker would the Bree problem with Dom have been delt with if it was me facing her for the title instead of Dave? But whatever, if that is what’s going on then that’s on other people I guess. My problem is that I’m having to deal with the fact that I can’t seem to fucking pull it together right now.
I’m not saying I’m down about everything, because hey, I’m getting paid win or lose, so fuck it… but come on! Before I blew out my knee, while I wasn’t exactly breaking the main event, I was pretty god damn close to it, you know? United States champion, that’s how close I got to breaking into the upper echelon and given our last US champion got randomly gifted a shot at the World Title you can’t tell me that it’s not damn close to being up there! But since coming back, I’ve kind of turned into something of a fucking punching bag, and you can only imagine how that makes me feel in the grand scheme of things! Overshadowed by my big brother, my own tricks thrown back at me, unable to get my ass in gear and re-find the form I had before my injury… and the last thing I’m going to do is lay blame on my knee, because I’m not taking an easy way out, fuck that. That would be the easy way out, after all, blaming my knee. ‘Oh, it’s not been the same’, ‘yeah, it isn’t one hundred percent yet’, other bullshit like that. An easy excuse, an easy out… how many people in this business clind to those, huh? Can think of one or two that do it every time they fucking lose, they look for the excuse and then apply the spin. It’s bullshit, but I guess whatever makes it easier for them to sleep at night, huh? Me though… not my style. Fuck it, if I’m not good enough I’ll hold my hands up and admit I’m not good enough. This is me with my hands held up saying I’ve not been anywhere near good enough since returning, and I need to do something about that, I really do.
The problem is, I have no idea what that something is…
Which means I’ve got a lot of fucking work to do. Because honestly, if I carry on the way I have been since the comeback, I’m eventually gonna end up in dark matches again people like Sammy Thomas Davies every week instead of proving that Dave ain’t the only Helms brother who’s got what it takes to kick some fucking ass!
“You’re putting too much pressure on yourself, that’s what it is…” Amy told me when I first told her about how I was feeling in the days that followed Rise To Greatness. I wanted to follow my brother’s lead at first and take a vacation somewhere nice where I could put my feet up and ignore how much shit had slipped for me since that fateful night where I had to team with Ms. Cheese and ended up doing the job to a ring apron, but by the time we landed back in New Orleans, that idea had gone out of the window. Not because of anything anyone else said or did, but because I was starting to kick myself while I was down. If anyone is gonna kick me while I’m low, its gonna be myself! If you want a job doing, yadda yadda yadda. “You’re exhausted, why don’t you take a break,” Amy suggested as I peeled myself from the canvas of the ring in BlackOut where I’d been torturing myself for around two hours already, working on my arsenal of moves, more than aware that they weren’t doing the job anymore. I needed to work harder than everyone and longer than everyone, that’s basically what’s been going through my melon since we landed and I’m not gonna lie, I’ve barely seen Aniya since I got home. Oh we’ve slept in the same bed next to each other, even had dinner together last night, but in the four days I’ve been back from Minneapolis, I’ve spent most of my time at the gym, either training others - which is fucking hilarious given I can’t buy a win yet I’m expected to help others learn the trade - or throwing myself around the ring trying to figure out where the fuck it’s all gone wrong.
“Later,” I told her in a voice that was so noncommittal that even Helen Keller would be able to tell you it sounded like a blowoff. “I’m in the zone babe, don’t want to ruin that…”
“The only thing you’ll be in is the hospital because you’ve pushed yourself too far if you don’t calm down, Jase!” she barked at me, putting on her stern voice that was supposed to make me play dead or roll over for a belly rub or something. At least that’s pretty much the effect it has on the students anyway, but they’re not exactly as willing to defy ‘Coach Amy’ like I am, I guess. “Come on, just take fifteen minutes and get some water…”
Sighing, I walked to the ropes and climbed out onto the apron. Truth be told, I didn’t have the energy for a debate, it was just easier to do what she wanted. “Fifteen minutes,” I said as I hopped down from the apron, and my knee wobbled beneath me as I landed, which only added to being pissed off. Amy had obviously seen it too, which didn’t help any. She motioned to move towards me before thinking twice; guess she knew my ego was bruised enough as is without her trying to help me. “We can just go ahead and pretend that didn’t happen…”
“No idea what you’re talking about,” Amy replied, giving me a wink. Even in my annoyed state, I couldn’t help but crack a smile. I followed her to the side of the room where my bag was, and snatched up my water bottle with a grunt, I really was gonna have to get a strap to wear around my knee if it was gonna be a little bitch on me like that. “Look, I know what you’re feeling,” Amy ventured as I settled back against the wall. I didn’t say anything, I mean for all I knew, she actually did, and I wasn’t looking to turn into a cliche by shouting that people didn’t know what it was like to be me. Fuck that. “You were excited to be back, you worked hard to rehab and then the Lucho’s thing gave you an in and you took it, but it’s not really worked out how you thought it would…”
Fuck, maybe she did know what I was feeling, that was pretty much hitting the nail on the damn head! “Yeah,” was all I said, sounding noncommittal again as I simply took another sip of my water.
“But we both know that wrestling is a marathon, not a sprint. And you are coming back off of a pretty serious injury,” she reasoned, but I shook my head at that, my damp sweaty hair slapping me in the face and no doubt making a mockery of my rejection of her excuses.
“Nah babe, I’m not making those excuses,” I told her. “I’m not going to be that guy, the one who looks for an out instead of owning his failures… you’ve got one of those in the family already, you don’t need a second,” I added, knowing I’d probably pay for the dig at Bree later, when Amy needed an excuse to snap at me. Whatever, totally worth it. “It’s on me Ames, not my knee. My knee is only as strong as I’m willing to push it to be, and I’ve been slacking. It heeled, that’s one thing… but after having yours rebuilt twice, you know what I’m talking about here; healed doesn’t mean it’s the same as it once was…”
She looked at me, and I could tell she wanted to say something encouraging, she was actually racking her brain for a positive spin before finally sighing in defeat. “Yeah,” she said, nodding before sighing again. “But that doesn’t mean it can’t get back to where it used to be, either.”
“Which is why I’m kicking my ass in that thing over there right now,” I told her, punching the air mentally at the fact that I just scored a point with that one. “Taking it easy isn’t doing me any favours Amy, it’s cutting corners if anything… I’m coasting, I’m expecting to be able to do just enough and get by, and in other companies that might be enough but in SCW?”
“Fair,” Amy agreed; if anyone knew how much you needed to push yourself in a company like SCW, it was her. She wasn’t just the fastest ever Supreme Champion in SCW history but she was now a member of the Hall Of Fame too, so you could say she knew plenty about what it took to be at the top in a company this size. “But there’s a limit to how far you should push yourself too,” she added, no doubt as an attempt to ensure I didn’t lose sight of that. “You can work yourself into the ground if you’re not careful… kind of like that stumble that didn’t happen a few moments ago, in fact…”
I turned away to grab my towel from my bag, so that Amy didn’t have to see the look in my face that said she was right about all of it. She knew she was, I knew she was… that didn’t mean I had to admit it though, did it? “Yeah well, I don’t think I’m pushing myself enough yet,” I told her as I straightened up again, drying the sweat from my face. “If I was, I wouldn’t be dropping the ball as much as I have since Cold Blooded!”
And there it was again, the look she got on her face whenever anybody mentioned what happened at Cold Blooded. Don’t get me wrong, I understood it; if anyone was gonna get weirded out by that show, it was me, after all. I was the one that went through that bullshit with Gio, I was the one who got dumped down that hole and for some god forsaken reason started dealing with crippling migraines as a result of it… the only saving grace was that I was starting to come out the other end of whatever the hell was going on with that. “Yeah, well, you’ve been dealing with a lot since then,” Amy said, once again making excuses for me. I appreciated it, but at the same time it wasn’t exactly doing me any favours, was it?
“You’re making excuses for me again,” I told her, deciding not to hide from it. “Which is it Amy, is it my knee or the migraines that have been screwing me over, because you’ve blamed both so far…”
“There’s no need to take this out on me, Jase…” Amy told me with a frown, folding her arms across her chest. “All I’m saying is that you’ve not exactly been fighting on a level playing field these last couple months, that’s all. You’ve had migraines that left you virtually unable to compete in matches, you don’t know how different things could have been if it wasn’t for those episodes!”
“Yeah, I guess,” I grudgingly accepted, though I wasn’t entirely sure I agreed with her in all honesty.
“You don’t need to push yourself to the limit in order to be prepared,” Amy went on, clearly trying to take advantage of the fact I’d seemingly agreed with her. “And it’s clearly a mental thing as much as it is a physical one anyway, because you’re dwelling on things and that’s making everything look worse than it is.”
“Making it look worse than it is?” I asked, actually laughing. “Babe, I haven’t won a match in months, but I’m just being negative?”
“I didn’t say you were just being negative, stop putting words into my mouth,” She told me, once again scolding me like I was a student rather than someone who loves her. Old habits die hard, apparently. “I’m saying that there’s several contributing factors right now that make for a crappy situation and I wish there was something that I could say or do to change it, but all you can do is keep training and sooner or later, it’ll pick up.”
“So do nothing and hope for the best?” I asked her, trying not to sound too confrontational despite the notion that I should do nothing irritating me more than a little.
“Again, you’re putting words into my mouth Jase,” she told me, but her tone had soothed considerably this time. “What I’m saying is that you’re looking for some big fix to all of this, but it’s not one single problem, it’s a combination of a few different things all adding up… and the fact that you’re on the road on your own most of the week doesn’t help either,” she added as the door to the gym opened and in walked Niamh with her bag. Fuck, I’d completely forgotten that we were meant to be having a one on one session and that’s why I was there in the first place! Or it was supposed to be why I was there, anyway. Truth be told, I was there for me, not for her lessons. Her training had completely slipped my mind.
She waved at me before walking over to the ring to drop her bag on the apron but luckily she didn’t walk over to us. Maybe she could sense that we were having a serious discussion or that something was off, but for whatever reason, she thankfully decided to give us space. “Yeah well, there isn’t much I can exactly do about that one babe,” I said, turning back to Amy. “You have to come back here after Breakdown, and Dave heads back to California at the same time. Lucas goes with him, because he’s not competing yet and doesn’t need to be there. Nia’s stepped back, who else is there to hang around with thursday through saturday?”
“You could spend time with Kelsai?” Amy suggested and it took all my effort not to laugh out loud at that one.
“Kelsai? You really think I’m the right person for her to be spending time with on the road?” I asked, and Amy clearly heard how ludicrous that sounded because she shot me a smirk and shook her head.
“Okay, maybe not Kelsai,” she conceded, still smirking. “But there has to be someone on the roster that you’re close enough with to hang out with and not get bogged down by all this negative stuff that goes through your head?”
“Babe, if there was, don’t you think I would be?” I asked her? Sure, there was Regan, and things between us were actually really good these days, so I could hang out with her, Miks and Delilah… but that meant Selena too, and while I don’t dislike the women, I’d rather pull a David Carradine every night, choking the fuck out of myself while beating off than spend more than ten minutes in her company… a fun image for you all I’m sure, but also a fact that is one hundred percent accurate! “It’s me myself and I, my two friends on every run of shows… it’s been that way pretty much since Aniya told me she didn’t want to come back with me.”
“You realise that may not be the case if you weren’t such a jackass at times, right?” she asked, still smirking at me as she gave me a very pointed look. “I mean, you don’t exactly endear yourself to people, do you?” she added for good measure.
I pretended to be shocked at her accusation, really hamming it up with a hand on my heart as if I was in shock. “I don’t know what you’re talking about babe, I’m a fucking delight!” I protested, sounding hurt by her comments.
She nodded and leant it to kiss me one my particularly sweaty cheek. “I know that… but I’m pretty sure that most other people don’t.”
“Yeah well, I’m not going to woo other people the way I woo’d you babe, I’m not sure I want to have sex with that many people,” I said with a laugh and she slapped me on the arm playfully as she laughed too as she turned to lean back against the wall, looking over at the ring where Niamh was warming up.
I tossed my towel back into my bag and took another drink as Amy tilted her head to one side, watching Niamh warm up, running the ropes and then taking a bump. “You could always find someone to go on the road with you…” she said, as if thinking out life and I turned to look at her in confusion before she nodded her head at the ring.
“What, Niamh?!” I asked, surprised that she’d even suggest it. “Babe, she’s an inexperienced rookie who wouldn’t know what to do with herself!”
“And we were all the same when we got started in the business,” she said, turning back to look at me as I dropped my water bottle back into my bag. “Seriously, why not someone like Niamh?”
“Because she hasn’t even graduated yet?” I said, seeing that as an exceptional reason for why it was a terrible idea. “She’s good, can’t argue with that… but it would be an awful idea to put her at risk like that when we don’t even know how she’d react when confronted!”
“Jason, that describes every single person that wants to break into this business,” Amy pointed out, pointing at him. “You may be good now. Great even. But at some point, you were a wet behind the ears rookie too, and someone had to take a chance on you in order for you to catch a break… what if this is Niamh’s?” she asked, and while I wasn’t exactly sold on the idea, she seemed to think it was a good one. “I’m not saying we get her a contract so she can fight or anything like that,” she added, as if trying to reassure me. “But a valet’s contract would be great for her, wouldn’t it? She gets a foot in the door of the business, and she gets paid for basically standing there and learning first hand. It’s valuable experience. And it does you a favour because it means you wouldn’t be alone most of the week too… which is why you end up kicking your own ass as much as you do babe, you know that…”
I still wasn’t convinced. I like Niamh, she’s a cool chick, and I know that you can’t get experience in the business without someone having the bottle to take a risk and give you a chance… but I was barely able to look out for myself right now, so how was I going to look out for Niamh on top of struggling to keep it together and avoid getting my ass kicked? “I dunno babe, it sounds like a hell of a risk right now…” I explained, clearly skeptical about the whole thing.
“I thought you were a fly by the seat of your pants kind of guy?” Amy asked playfully, grinning at me. “And when you think about it… would we be here right now if we didn’t decide to take a risk two years ago?” she added for good measure, which was a pretty dirty fucking trick because I couldn’t argue with that one. She was right, we’d taken a big risk that had huge potential for disaster if it went wrong… yet here we were, the whole world knew about the story of our relationship and it was now just accepted as being a thing.
“Fuck you Ames, that’s not fair,” I said, laughing. She knew that she had me at that point, which only irked me even more. “You really think she’s cut out for it?”
“Only one way to find out I suppose?” she said, turning to look at Niamh, who was running the ropes still. “But yeah… I think she may be…”
I looked over at the ring just in time to see her throw herself back-first onto the canvas again with another bump. “Alright, I guess we can give it a try…” I said before shouting over at the ring. “Hey Niamh!” I bellowed and she turned her head to look over at me from the canvas, rolling over onto her elbows to look at me as I began walking towards the ring. “I have something I want to talk to you about,” I told her, not entirely sure that this was a good idea or one that I really wanted to try out… but Amy was right, wasn’t she? People don’t get a chance until someone else is willing to give them one. Maybe I needed to be the guy that gave Niamh one. Behave!
“What’s going on coach?” she asked as she started to get up to her knees and knelt there looking at me expectantly as I climbed up onto the apron. And you know… maybe this was a huge mistake, maybe it would cause more problems than it solved. Maybe Niamh would get hurt. Maybe I’d get hurt in the process of trying to ensure that didn’t happen. But at the end of the day… Niamh was my student, my protege. I’d taken her under my wing and if anyone was going to put faith in her, it should be me, right? I like to think that Amy is right about me too, that I do like to take risks… I’ve kind of made a life of that mantra at this point, so why would I hold back now? And to be honest, it would be kind of nice to have someone to spend time with when we were on the road. The first couple of nights were fine, because Dave and Lucas were around if Amy wasn’t, so I didn’t need to worry… but when everyone else had gone home and I was left to keep up the house shows, it was pretty lonely. Sure, maybe I could have gone out and found someone in each town to spend my time with, but that wasn’t something that was really me anymore, not since Amy and I turned into something more serious… and maybe that was part of the problem, that I wasn’t finding ways to preoccupy myself, and instead found myself alone in my room dwelling on all the negatives from the last few months? There was plenty of dwell on, which didn’t make it any easier to deal with if I’m honest… so maybe this would be good for the both of us. And if it didn’t work out, well then at least we can say we gave it a good go, huh? It was worth a try at the very least. I just had to hope it didn’t come back to bite me on the ass down the line...
