:: Jason Helms :: He's No Superman ::

Secrets and lies, cover stories and spies, bippity bobbity fucking boo… gods, why does life have to be so damn complicated, huh!? You know, when this whole thing with me and Chastaine started, it was supposed to be a bit of fun. It was taboo, which made it exciting as all fuck, and who doesn’t want a bit of excitement in their lives, huh? There was something ‘naughty’ for want of a better word, about what we were doing… and I won’t put words into Amy’s mouth, but for me, that’s where the excitement was. Now? Fuck, it feels like I’m having to put as much effort into making whatever the hell it is we have going on work than I am in my career… and anyone who knows me knows that I’ve put a hell of a lot of effort into messing with certain people on the SCW roster since I made my grand return to the business back at Taking Hold of the Flame, so that’s saying something! There comes a point where you have to assess things, I guess? You have to look at everything you’ve having to go through in order to make something work and decide whether it’s actually worth the effort… having to lie to people, having to sneak around, make sectet plots and arrangements… is that what adult life actually is? It probably shouldn’t be this way, not when you think about it.

Maybe that’s on me. I was the one who pursued Amy like I did, it was me who was putting the idea into her head with that book about open relationships… if I hadn’t done that, would there have been any of this drama? I mean, I know for a fact that getting called a Jackass would have been an actual insult if I hadn’t gone down the path I had, instead of a coded word we now used when she wanted to make it look like she was giving me shit on twitter or make it appear like she was angry with me but also let me know she wasn’t really. There’s something funny about that shit for sure. But how much stress can two people actually deal with, you know? Is there going to come a point where enough is enough and one of us walks away because it’s just gone too far or things have got too difficult? Problem is, I’m not sure whether I could do that anymore…

How fucked up is that? I’ve been married for the better part of a decade and that marriage has been an open one since the beginning more or less… and here I am, conscious of the fact that I haven’t even looked at anyone else in almost two months. It was a fairly regular occurrence for me to hit the bars after a show in the early days of me arriving in SCW; Aniya wouldn’t always come to the house shows, even if she travelled with me to Breakdown… the bar took up a lot of her time, and that gave me time to have my fun. And now I’m a two woman man – which is funny in its self I’ll grant you – who either spends the night with his wife or his… what? That’s the crazy thing, because I don’t know what Amy is to me anymore, I don’t know what the hell we’re doing and I’ve gone from the Master, teaching Chastaine the ways of being in an open relationship, to being just us unsure of things as she is. Maybe that’s why things have started going slightly wrong recently, because things have drifted far from the intended path. It’s that stuff that makes me wonder how the fuck we’re going to keep things going in the long run. How long will it be before I do do something that pisses her off, how long before I upset the wrong people or make the wrong comments and it all blows up? How much do I trust myself to not become an asshole if things do end... the fact I’m actually having to ask myself that is possibly a good indication that I know Amy has changed who I am as a person to an extent, so maybe I don’t have anything to worry about there but I look at everything she has in her life - married, kids, a business and her new women’s shelter that she’s in the process of setting up - and all I can think is that someday, she’s gonna have a choice and I’m not gonna come out on top and when that happens I don’t want to be the asshole that ruins it all for her by destroying her reputation. Yet I risk doing that anyway just by being her... lover? Bit on the side? Whatever I am, I’m risking her reputation just by her being into me... so again, how long can we realistically keep this up? Long term... that is scary as fuck, even for a Jackass like me. And if it’s already hard now, what’s it going to look like if shit really does hit the fan? Fuck...

Berlin, Germany
November 2017

You know, it’s funny. I have absolutely no problem with people wanting my blood when I’ve done something wrong in this life, I’ve never shied away from guilt or pretended to be something I’m not. In fact, truth be told, I’m probably more likely to revel in shit when it comes to wanting to take pride in the things I’ve done to anger people… I’m an equal opportunities cunt, I’ll gladly take the credit for a job well done! Yeah, I’m smirking right now. But when I get blamed for something I haven’t done, it kind of sticks in the throat a little, you know? And when it’s something that I want to deny vehemently but know I can’t because the reasons for my denying it are going to cause more problems than issues they’ll solve, it just makes it so much worse. Kelcey’s party in San Fran was supposed to be a fun night, a time for the whole roster to let their hair down, dress up and have some fun without worrying about who they hate or what shit they have going on in their careers… and I actually went out of my way not to be an asshole that night, because I didn’t want to disrespect Kelcey’s wishes at a night where the whole roster put their issues aside in order to have fun.

Only, drama seems to want to follow me around like a lost puppy dog at times, or so it seems… when Amy kicked off at me, I was genuinely fucking astounded because I had no idea what was going on. I couldn’t believe after everything we’d been through in this adventure we were bang in the middle of, that Amy would believe I genuinely spiked her drink on purpose. After everything I’d told her about my own issues with addiction in the past, after everything I’d done to help her get through her time in rehab when she was sent there unfairly because of Blake and Bree’s little games… I’m not even ashamed to admit that it was kind of heartbreaking for me, not in the slightest. And it didn’t seem to matter how much I tried to explain, how many texts I sent to Amy or how many times I tried to call her, it didn’t make a damn bit of difference… she just wasn’t interested in hearing what I had to say. That was a kick in the balls, and I’m not talking lightly when I say that because it genuinely did feel like I’d been kicked square in the nuts. Seeing her tweet things aimed at me that weren’t just a cover for the fact that we were as close as we were, it… well, it hurt, that’s all I can really say. I felt kind of lost, in a way. It’s funny how quickly you adjust to something or how quickly you take things for granted. It’s only when it’s gone that you realize how much it meant, I guess? I mean, I haven’t hid away from the fact that there’s something going on between me and Amy that is perhaps more serious than either of us had really intended. It isn’t a series of hookups anymore, it stopped being that some time ago if I’m honest… so for that to suddenly be ripped away from me when it wasn’t even my fault in the first place? That was rough. Really rough.

I couldn’t blame Aaron, not really… I mean, the fact that I’d asked him to grab me a drink was kind of reason enough to not give him hell, it’s not as if he was to know that I was planning to give that cup to Amy. I mean, okay, I asked him to specifically grab me some of the specific one that had no alcohol in it, but it wasn’t his fault that they’d run out and were waiting for someone to fetch more. I guess I should just thank my lucky starts that she eventually decided to give me the time of day in order to explain what the hell had gone on. It was difficult for her, I understood that; she’d been fucked over by people she thought were like family to her in recent past and I guess, not knowing the facts, it wasn’t her fault that she jumped to the worst rather than giving me the benefit of the doubt. I just wished she’d have given me the time to explain earlier than she did, because when she saw the look in my eyes she knew I was actually telling the truth. It’s hard to describe a certain four letter word without saying it so that you can avoid any awkwardness that comes with it… doesn’t make it any less realistic that that’s possibly what this is becoming, which is scary as fuck in its self, but it also forced her to truly see that I was telling the truth, and in a way, I’m thankful for that. By the time she shoved me away and pointed out that we shouldn’t be kissing like that in the locker room – a kiss that had so much fucking relief behind it that I don’t think I can do an adequate job of describing just how relieved I was – I was just glad that things were sorted out, and after arranging to meet up later that night at the hotel, I reached for the door and set my face into a scowl as I prepared to give the performance of a life time. “If that’s what you think, Fine! Fuck off, Chastaine,” I yelled over my shoulder, giving anyone who may be in the vicinity a show. I’d already seen a couple members of the production crew, so I knew it would be everywhere within minutes once the ‘street theatre’ had moved along.

“Fuck you!” Amy yelled at me, putting more vitriol in her voice than I’d ever heard and looking back over my shoulder before the door swung shot, I saw the biggest smirk sat on her face I’d ever see too. With a flair for the dramatic, I slammed the door as noisily as possible before storming off back to my locker room; it took more effort that I can describe to keep the grin off my face as I stomped all the way to my own locker room, just about managing to avoid bursting out laughing until I’d made it safely inside and the door was tightly shut. You have no idea just how much of a weight off my mind that was; the fucked up thing is that most would assume it’s just because it’s convenient to have someone on the road all the time that fucks like you wouldn’t believe, but it isn’t… and I’m not one for mushy, so I’m not going to go down that road as such, but fixing things between us was important to me and knowing that Ames could look in my eye and realize that I was being completely open and honest with her was important, because there aren’t exactly a whole host of people who I am completely honest with in this world so getting to that point was kind of a milestone in a way? At the same time though, I mean, I’m not going to say that I wasn’t happy that things were back on track for the out of this world sex, because… well, let’s just say Chastaine has a few tricks that other chicks could do with picking up on and leave it at that. Insert smirk number two here.

Not being booked to compete in Germany, I hadn’t travelled to the arena with much in the way of belongings, and my only aims for the night were to hopefully make things up with Amy and then watch Konrad Raab lose in his home country – because who doesn’t enjoy watching the man-baby lose? – and with goal number one accomplished, I flicked on the monitor that sat in my room to enjoy the rest of the show. I’d literally just kicked off my sneakers and sat down in the lone empty chair inside the locker room though, leather if it matters, when the door to my locker room burst open and I half expected it to be a pissed-off Amy coming to yell at me again become something else had happened…as it turned out, I was relieved to see Aaron storming into the room instead. “What the hell is wrong with you, huh?” he yelled at me, and the fact that he was still trying not to curse even when Elysia wasn’t around brought a bit of a smirk to my face, which only seemed to annoy him further than he already was because he stormed straight over to the monitor I was watching the show on and shut it off before turning around to glare at me again. “Seriously Jason, what the hell is wrong with you?! Did you not do enough damage at Kelcey’s party so you figured you’d better go and cause even more trouble by barging into Amy’s locker room?” he asked, and realization washed over me; clearly word got around quicker than I gave it credit for, if the kid was already there to give me a hard time over something that we’d purposefully orchestrated. “Why Amy, huh? After what just happened out there, with Blake and Taylor screwing up our match the way they did, why did you have to try and give her an even harder time when you’ve done enough already as it is?!” he asked, and I was already trying to figure out how I could make this conversation just go away. He didn’t need to know that he was the one who’d caused the whole thing in the first place, that much was for sure. He didn’t need that kind of baggage, definitely not in a public sense anyway.

“News travels fast around here it seems,” I said with a roll of the eyes as I got up and walked back over to the monitor to switch it back on but Aaron shoved me hand away to stop me. “Watch it kid, I’m not against giving you a cuff up the side of the head to put you on the right path it needed,” I told him. Only half joking in truth, but he needed to know that I wasn’t going to take too much shit.

“We’re having this discussion Jason,” he told me flatly, as if he’d not even heard a word I said. He even stepped in front of the damn monitor to make sure I couldn’t try and turn it back on again.

With a heavy sighed, I walked back over to my chair and sat down. “What is it you actually want Aaron?”

“I want to know what the hell you’re doing giving Amy crap!” he told me flatly, and I have to admit, I was actually quite impressed with how unwavering he actually was in his annoyance with me. “Didn’t you do enough in San Francisco? You gave a recovering alcoholic booze, you jerk! And now you’re going to her locker room to heap more crap on?! You’re sick in the damn head, man!”

“Will you chill the fuck out?” I said, sighing as I shook my head. “Listen, I went to her locker room to explain that I didn’t mean to give her alcohol. I might be a dick, but I’m not that kind of guy, alright?” I told him, giving him a stern look. Least he could do was acknowledge that I’m not a scumbag, even if I am a cunt. “She didn’t believe me my explanation when I told her what happened, she accused me of some things and it got heated… she’ll have forgotten about it by morning, I can guarantee that. I’d already started to forget until you came charging in here full of righteous fury!”

The look he gave me would have rusted steel, he was so angry. The worst part was, I was holding back on giving him the reason because I didn’t want him having that shit hanging over his head, and yet without knowing that he couldn’t appreciate how ironic it was that he was yelling at me for what happened. “You expect me to believe you went there to be nice?! Jase, I know you bro, you don’t know the meaning of the word!” he spat at me, and I could almost see the vitriol dripping off of him as he spoke. I had no doubt over the fact that he was probably just lashing out because of what happened at the end of his match with Amy, but he was starting to annoy me already and my composure was crumbling as he continued to bitch at me. “Amy doesn’t need you causing her problems right now Jason, she has enough problems of her own right now, so you adding to them only--”

In hindsight, I regretted snapping at the kid but he was pushing my buttons and given the fact that I’d had grief from the woman in question for a full week whenever I tried to reach out to her, I lost the ability to deal with Aaron whining at me in short order and my yell cut him off. “AND WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW, huh?!” I yelled, already on my feet and glaring at him before I knew what was happening. Fortunately, I had enough sense to realise that yelling wasn’t the best idea and I brought my voice down to a stern whisper as I went on, putting him in his place. “You storm in here, lecturing me about what I supposedly did at that damn party, and you don’t know the first thing about what happened that night! And the reason you don’t know what happened is because I’ve kept it to my fucking self to save your god damn reputation!” I told him, instantly regretting it. Not just because of the fact that I’d kept that shit to myself since the day it happened, but also because of the look he gave me when I said it. If looks could kill…

“The hell are you talking about, huh?!” he asked me, obviously no idea what I was talking about and I couldn’t help bus wish I’d kept silent.

“Ugh,” I groaned as I dropped back down in my chair and motioned to the wooden bench which ran along one wall. “You remember when I asked you to grab me a cup of punch at the party?” I asked as he sat down, looking at me in confusion before it dawned on him…

“Oh, fuck you, no way!” He said, completely ignoring the fact he’d been trying to stop swearing since the baby was born. “Wait, really?! That was… it was that… fuuuuck…”

I felt bad for the kid, I really did. Wasn’t this why I’d gone out of my way to try and avoid the truth coming out since it happened? “Look, Aaron--”

“I should tell people,” the kid said, cutting me off. “I should apologize to Amy, say something on twitter even. All these people think you--”

“No!” I shouted, before lowering my voice again, remembering where I was. “Listen, just leave it as it is, alright? You don’t want people judging you like that, not when they think it was me who did it. They already think I’m an asshole, I can afford to handle the heat from the backlash… you can’t. Just… just let it go, alright?” I told him, hoping he’d actually fucking listen.

“But you’re getting shit for something you didn’t--” he started to say, but I shook my head and cut him off.

“It doesn’t matter,” I told him, shrugging. “Look, I’m never gonna be a fan favorite, am I? I don’t give a fuck about what the assholes who watch the show think, but they love you… do you really want them to look at you differently because they find out you’re the one that gave Amy alcohol? And I know you didn’t know it was for her, and I get that… but it’s easier to just let them blame me, okay? Just do what I say…”

He sat there silently for a while after I’d told him what he needed to do; if I knew him as well as I thought he did, he was genuinely weighing up whether or not he should listen to me or whether he should do what he thought was right. “I should at least talk to Amy, explain to her…”

Okay, so how was I going to explain this one to him?! I wasn’t, that was the problem… I couldn’t realistically tell him that Amy already knew and was okay with it, because he heard how we’d been ‘arguing’ a little earlier. Fuck. “She already knows,” I admitted, and his head shot up to look at me in shock and confusion. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m not lying… she knows. I told her earlier, when I went to her locker room to see her. We had a good chat about the whole thing…”

“But you were arguing!” Aaron said, as if he genuinely couldn’t follow along at all with what I was saying. Fuck, was I going to have to draw the kid a fucking diagram?! How the hell did he get his cock close enough to Scarlett in order to knock her the hell up?!

“We weren’t arguing kid,” I told him, wishing I’d have just argued with him instead at this point… but what the fuck could I do? It wasn’t like he was going to drop the subject short of me actually kicking him out of the room. “It was all a front, in case anyone was listening… like that bitch Kennedy, who didn’t even want to let me in the damn room at first.” His face was a picture at that, it really was. If it wasn’t so serious, I’d have actually laughed at how dumb he looked. Imagine Tyler Tucker trying to say the antidistablishmentarianism … that’s about how dumb he looked.

“Why the hell did you need to fake an argument?” He asked, not following on at all. I wanted to bang my head against the wall, I really did. It felt like pulling teeth… though I guess I shouldn’t have judged the kid too harshly, given it wasn’t the most obvious conclusion to jump to really… in fact, thinking about it, it was probably one of the least likely conclusions to draw, so I guess I couldn’t fault him being oblivious to what was going on. But with the fucked up night it had been, I really wasn’t in the mood and he kind of suffered because of that.

“Oh come on kid, do I really have to draw you a picture?” I asked in disbelief, again probably being way too harsh on him compared to how unreasonable it was for him to jump to such an extreme conclusion. Never said I was perfect though, did I? “Look, you know how me and Aniya, we’re… not exactly, you know?”

“Exclusive, yeah I know,” He confirmed with a nod; at least he wasn’t that clueless… gods, why was I being such a dick?

“Well,” I started, trying to figure out how to actually phrase it before it came to me in a flash. “Well, me and Ames, we weren’t arguing, we were… more like making up? If you get what I’m trying to say?” I hinted, suggestively, hoping that he’d get where I was going. It took him a couple seconds of blank expression before light dawned on him…

His mouth formed a perfect oh… like seriously, it was fucking perfect. “Fuck off!” he said, when he re-found his voice, as if the idea was so out there that he couldn’t believe me.

“You think I’d say it if it wasn’t true?” I asked him, wondering if he really thought I was dumb enough to lie about something like that. “Since early September… with Wyatt’s blessing, before you say anything. And for obvious reasons, we don’t want it getting out, so keep your mouth shut about it, or I really am going to have to kick your ass, alright?”

“I don’t believe it,” he said to me, shaking his head vehemently, refusing to accept that I was telling the truth.

“Take a look at my face kid,” I said, sitting forward in my seat and leaning on my knees to look him directly in the eye. “Amy and me, we've been sleeping together since early September and everything until the last week has been a front… and you know what? The reason I wanted her to understand I didn’t give her that drink on purpose is because I genuinely care about her, which is just as fucking crazy as the fact that she’s fucking me, it is… and I can’t believe I’m telling you of all people about this but there we have it,” I said, keeping my eyes locked on his, begging him to find a lie in there.

After a few seconds, he actually looked at me in shock and I guess it dawned on him that I was actually telling the truth because he sat there blinking at me like a fucking fish for a few seconds before actually looking away. “Damn,” he muttered to himself, looking down at his feet for a moment before looking back up at me again. “And Aniya knows I take it?” he asked and I nodded. “Damn… damn… well now I just feel like a freaking idiot…”

“Don’t,” I told him, wondering if I should clap him on the shoulder or something. Probably not the best idea, given what I’d just told him. “It’s not like we broadcasted it… just… look, you can’t tell anyone, okay? Not even Scarlett. It’s not like I ask much of you kid, but… I’m trust you with this, alright? Just… keep it to yourself, that’s all I ask. We’re in this weird place right now, because it’s a bit more real than either of us expected and we could do without having to worry about it getting out…”

And here’s the fucking kicker… he gave me the most honest look I think I’ve ever seen at this point, as if he took the whole thing to heart and truly understood what I was asking of him. It almost made me proud to be a fucking uncle, that’s how crazy it was. “I won’t say a word bro, I swear…”

That’s all it took. He looked me dead in the eyes and told me he wouldn’t say a word… and if it was anyone else other than maybe Dave saying that, I wouldn’t have listened to them but because it was him, I actually believe him. Fuck knows what Amy was going to say when I told her that the secret was out, hopefully she wouldn’t want to fucking kill me for outing the whole thing… I wanted to think that she’d understand and hopefully even figure we actually could trust the kid. I mean, in terms of being trustworthy, there probably weren’t many people on the roster that you’d want to trust your secrets with than Aaron, we had that going for us. Just had to hope it wasn’t going to come back to bite us in the ass in the future… especially when we’d only just made up after the whole drink thing. Talk about going all in on a risky hand though… ugh…

Zurich, Switzerland
...the following night

They say make-up sex is the best sex in the world; all that anger and frustration, it all comes flowing out and just heightens the whole experience… I don’t think I’d experienced it properly until the night after Breakdown in Berlin. I guess that’s an indicator of how strong my marriage is, that we’ve not argued enough to get to the point that we needed make up sex afterwards… but with the genuine anger and resentment between Amy and me – mostly on her part it has to be said – you better believe that I figured out just why they say that after we arrived back at the hotel following the house show in Zurich. We were supposed to meet after Breakdown, but medical kept her longer than expected for checks to make sure she was fine after the attack by Ballbag Mason and Taylor Cunt, and then when she did get out, Kennedy suggested she grab dinner with her and Knots, what with Wyatt not being on the road for the tour them, which left Amy with no logical reason to refuse. So we rearranged and I guess it was a good thing we did, because it meant she had a night to recover from the attack during her match with Aaron. I know this though; she clearly missed whatever it was that was going on between us as much as I did in the week she wasn’t talking to me, because for whatever reason I felt half-broken by the time we’d finished! My whole body was covered in sweat, even with the windows open so that the cold night air stabbed as us like tiny needles and truth be told, I don’t think I could have actually told you what city we were in for a while afterwards, maybe even what continent… if that isn’t great sex I don’t know what is. Laid there in the bed afterwards, the sheets tangled up around our feet, I stared up at the ceiling with my arm around Amy’s shoulder as she draped her own arm across my chest, using a finger to trace circles in the hairs on my pecs… that was fucking contentment man, just laid there like that, the aftermath of our orgasm’s fading and just entangled together. It doesn’t get any better it really does…

“That… was good…” Amy said through still-ragged breath as she slightly sank the nail of her finger that she’d been swirling across my chest into my skin, which brought a wry smile to my face, and I looked down at her to see her looking back up at me with a grin on her face. “You know, it's funny how you don’t realize how much you enjoy something until it’s gone. This last week, I was so upset with you that I didn’t realize I missed these nights together… it’s only now that I get just how important they really are,” she said before resting her head back down on my shoulder and going back to tracing circles in the skin on my peck. She was right about that though, you tend to take things for granted until they’re gone, it’s human nature I guess… it applies to things on so many different levels too, not just situations like the one we were in. Though people are high up on that priority list, I can’t deny that. You take people for granted after a while, at least some people do… and when they’re gone, you realize just how important they were. “I really don’t want another week like the one that just passed, I know that,” she told me, and I was kind of surprised at how sad she sounded when she spoke. Just goes to show that she was hurting more than she was angry with me when she thought I’d given her alcohol on purpose…

“Wouldn’t have been that bad if you’d heard me out in the first place,” I teased, getting a prod in the chest for my trouble, which sent a wave of aches running through half my body as I tensed under the pressure. “Okay, okay, forget I said anything,” I added with a chuckle before she went back to stroking my chest with her fingertip again. “Truth be told… no, let’s not do that shit again, because I swear I’ve been such a miserable cunt this last week that I’m surprised Aniya didn’t tell me to get a grip. What can I say Chastaine, you must have a magic vajayjay or something…”

I could feel her shake as she chuckled, shifting her head so that she could still look up at me from the crook of my arm without having to raise her head. “Funny thing is, you’re not the only one who seems to think something like that…”

“Huh?” I asked as I pulled my feet out from under the sheets and made fists with my toes a few times; I’m pretty sure sex-aches aren’t meant to go as far as your fucking feet!

“Kennedy… she said something odd earlier, but I think we might have a problem,” she told me as I let my legs rest back down on the bed again and looked at her.

“What kind of problem?” I asked, my brain still not exactly firing on all cylinders. I probably should have figured out what she was getting at really, thinking back, but at the time I wasn’t exactly in full position of all my faculties…

“She knows,” Amy said, sounding concerned. That did a better job of grabbing my attention and I looked at her in slight fear, which she clearly noticed. “Well, she suspects… she can’t know for sure, it’s mostly guessing. But when I saw her earlier, she asked me what was going on between the two of us. She finds it weird that I won’t forgive Blake and Bree for what they did, but I was willing to hear you out when you asked to talk, and that I asked her to leave so we could talk… that was probably a mistake,” she said to herself more than me I think, though she knew as well as I did that that wasn’t the case; we would never have been able to say most of what we said with Kennedy in the room, it just wouldn’t have worked! “She thinks you’re a bullying parasite of a worm and that the things you’ve done to Konrad mean I shouldn’t give you the time of day… and then she told me that whenever anyone brings up your name or you show up, my vulva tightens!”

Nothing could have stopped me laughing at that, regardless of how serious the conversation actually was; I know there’s a time and a place to laugh at stuff, but fuck, Kennedy may be dumber than a box of frogs but she makes some funny comments at times honey! “Ow, okay I’m taking this seriously, I am!” I protested as Amy playfully slapped me on the chest. “But how can she actually know? I mean, she’s seen us together all of what, twice? And even then, it’s not that unusual for us to have to rub shoulders together in this business, even if you hate each other… can’t avoid people entirely…”

“I don’t know, but you didn’t hear her earlier,” Amy replied, looking at me thoughtfully and I could tell this wasn’t a joke for her. I’m not an idiot, you know? I mean, I get why it would be fucking disastrous for her if it got out that we were up to what we were… and I also knew that I was probably going to end up adding to the problem when I told her what I knew I had to. “She isn’t going to let this go… she’s gonna force me to just tell her so she’ll stop.”

“She doesn’t know shit, she can’t,” I told her, trying to reassure her… but how sure was I, really? Okay, Aaron had no clue and didn’t believe me at first, but he’s not exactly the most perceptive kid in the world, is he?! “Just let her play her games, what’s the worst that can happen, really?”

“Um, she could make her suspicion public?” Amy said, rolling over slightly so she was looking me full in the face now, and the twirling of her finger stopped, which I was kind of sad about.

“With what evidence? If she’d walked in on us or something then fair enough, but she’s guessing!” I tried to counter, believing my own argument less and less with every second.

“You think public perception gives one fuck about evidence?” Amy scoffed. “She can tell Jason… I don’t know how, but she can. And as much as I love her, she also speaks without thinking on occasion. Once she has an idea in her head she doesn’t drop it. Kinda like me, actually. "She can pester me all she wants, and I think I held her off for today, but if she says any of this publicly..."

“She’d be a shitty friend if she did that,” I told her, genuinely believing that at least. I mean, it would be a bullshit move to out her fucking friend like that, even if Kennedy was dead against the idea of me and Amy!

“I’m not saying she’d do it on purpose,” she replied, before sighing. “We just can’t afford for this to get out. While it’s only us who know, it’s fine… if anyone else found out? I don’t even wanna think about how bad it could be…”

I guess I must have suddenly looked funny or guilty or my face gave me away in some other way but as she spoke, Amy’s attention suddenly sharped and she leant up slightly to look at me, giving me a worried look and I knew I had to bite the bullet. “Yeah, about that…” I said and Amy suddenly sat up, looking at me impatiently and probably wondering what the hell was going on. Sliding up the bed, I rested myself back against the bedstead before looking back at her, wondering how to phrase it. “I wasn’t sure how the fuck to even bring it up, but… well, Kennedy isn’t the only one who may know. In fact, I know she isn’t; Aaron knows…”

“What?!” Amy asked, panic stricken. “What the fuck? How?! Oh gods, It was that blowjob, wasn’t it? I knew he didn’t think that was fucking glaze on my shirt!”

I had to actually stop myself from laughing at the memory of that night, just as I’d had to stop myself from laughing at the time… something told me Ames wouldn’t be all that happy if I did burst out laughing though, considering the subject matter. “No, it’s not the ‘donut glaze’,” I told her, just about managing to hide a smirk that fought like fucking hell to split its self across my face. “I told him. Last night.

“You did what?!” she asked… though I found it strange that she asked in surprise as much as anything. I expected anger.

“I told him,” I repeated, figuring it was best to just get it over with as quickly as possible. Kind of like ripping off a Band-Aid. “I know it was probably dumb, but… well, he stormed my locker room last night to bitch me out for arguing with you in your locker room. And I ended up telling him about how it was him who technically gave you that drink, and then he started on the guilt trip, wanting to apologize to you on twitter,” I went on, frowning as I tried to explain in a way that made Amy see I didn’t really have much choice. “I had to tell him that you already knew, he was gonna tell the world it was him and we both agreed that I should take the fall on that… but I had to explain why you believed me, and I guess it was just easier to tell the truth?”

She looked at me, eyeing me up skeptically for a while before sighing. “What did you tell him?”

“That we weren’t fighting but making up,” I said with a slight smirk. “I thought that would be enough but he needed the damn thing spelling out for him… he didn’t want to believe me at first, I guess he saw the serious look on my face and changed his mind in the end? Fuck knows. Kid isn’t a genius, we both know that…”

“He probably has baby brain at the minute,” Amy told me and I shrugged, though I thought that was something women supposedly got, not men. Not that I’m some knuckle dragging misogynist or anything, just not something I’d heard of. “Are you sure he’s gonna be able to keep it to himself though? I mean, he’s not exactly been the most rational of people recently, has he? Didn’t he punch Blake in some hotel a few weeks back? I mean, we’d all like to do that, but…”

“He did,” I confirmed with a nod. “I had to drag him away before things got any worse. Had to step in the day after Under Attack too, to stop him arguing with Regan on the flight home… but I trust him in this at least. You should have seen the look he gave me, it was so honest and sincere… was almost enough to make me proud to be his uncle…”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Amy said with a smirk, playfully slapping me.

“Nah sweetheart, I’m a jackass remember?” I replied, returning her smirk before sighing. “I dunno, I’ve kinda been taking him under my wing recently, for better or worse… and you know, I do actually think we can trust him on this. Plus, it could actually do us a favour in the long run? I mean, having someone in the loop… could help cover for us if we ever need it?”

“What if it gets out anyway?” Amy asked, still not ready to accept that this was anything other than a disaster, even with Aaron covering for us…

“I’ll make sure it doesn’t,” I reassured her, leaning forward to kiss her on the forehead before settling back down on the bed with my arms behind my head. “The kid isn’t gonna tell anyone, I trust him when he says he won’t… as for Kennedy, I’ll plead with her myself if I have to, but obviously it’ll be better if you can convince her she’s wrong. Worst case scenario, if things get too risky then I guess I’ll have to let you walk away… I’m not gonna let your reputation get damaged because of me, I know that much. Like I said though, I hope it won’t come to that…”

“Me too,” She told me as she laid back down, looking worried still as she went back to resting her head on my chest. "We only just got back to where we were before the party mess, I really don't want to see this screwed up again just because some people can't keep their mouths shut."

“Me either,” I told her as I rolled over onto my side, shuffling down the bed a little so that we were both laid facing one another. “I won’t say it, but we both know what’s going on… whatever happens, we’ll deal with it, alright? We’ll deal with Aaron knowing, we’ll deal with Kennedy if she is onto us. Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out… but can we start tomorrow? Because right now, we’ve got some catching up to do, if you know what I mean?” I finished with a smirk, resting my forehead against hers as she returned the grin. Closing my eyes – yeah, really – I leant in closer and kissed Amy once again; I’d meant every damn word of that, I was determined to deal with whatever came up, because while the previous week had been fucking awful it had taught me one thing. That this, whatever, between me and Amy, it was something that was more important than a regular booty cool. I’d fallen into a trap that I once swore I would never fall into… a honey trap, I guess you could call it, but for different reasons to the obvious. Maybe I should be running a fucking mile at the mere prospect of that; seriously, six months ago I’d have told you to fuck right off if you said I’d end up in this position… then again, I’d probably have laughed my ass off if you you’d said six months ago that I’d find myself in the middle of a thing with someone like Amy Chastaine and then told you to fuck off, so who am I to judge what’s likely and what isn’t? Either way… Kennedy Street wasn’t going to be the reason for this thing coming to an end, I wouldn’t fucking let her. If this was going to end, it was going to be on ours terms, not someone else’s. Why let someone else fuck things up when I can do a perfectly acceptable job of that myself? Kennedy Street… fuck her. Amy and I, we’re adults. And no one can scold us like naughty childred for being adults. Not even if the person has the second sight where vagina is concerned!

Who am I kidding, huh? Seriously, who the fuck I’m I trying to kid… am I trying to get someone else to believe me or am I trying to convince myself when I mused over what happens when things go wrong? Truth be told… me and Amy, I don’t think I can even comprehend the idea of things coming to an end anymore, it’s something that just doesn’t even figure into my plans. I know that it could happen, I know that there’s a whole fucking world of things that could go wrong and put an abrupt end to this thing, but I will literally drag my nutsack across broken glass to ensure it doesn’t if that’s what it takes. Sex is sex, I get that. And the sex is good, I can’t even joke about it not being… but being completely honest, I think it stopped being about sex a while ago. Fuck, I’ve caught feelings, get me to a damn doctor! And even if it did end, I know I couldn’t ever intentionally hurt her. Not now… it doesn’t matter how much of a cunt I think I am, I wouldn’t ever be able to use what we’ve had against her, not when it’s started to mean as much as it does. Bitterness wouldn’t be enough to force me to do that, I know that without question. Though knowing that, knowing all of this, it only asks more questions that I had before, I guess. What happens now. Where the fuck do things go from here? Can there ever actually be a real future to any of this, given everything I’ve said, with her having a family? And it’s not as if I’m in much of a position to wonder that stuff either, is it? I do love my wife, and our marriage is as strong now as it’s ever been, but… well, it does make a jackass think, I know that much. Maybe I’m over-thinking… wouldn’t be the first time. All I know, is that after everything, the gods be damned if they think they’re going to get involved in this shit now. It’s all about the name, that’s my thing, right? Well right now, the more important name is isn’t Jason Helms, not this time. Take a guess which name it is…