STARRING:
[Crossing The Atlantic: Season 3 - Chapter 001]
.:| “Throwin' Around Threats” |:.
The’ say that love meks ya do a whole host’a dumb shit an’ aye, between me an’ thee, a can say that ‘and on ‘eart, a thoroughly bloody believe it. A mean, this is we’re on a’bart, remember; the bloke who nearly set ‘imself on fire tryin’ to smoke a cig just so he wunt ‘ave to say he dint smoke, the dickhead who nearly died from anaphylactic shock ‘cause he dint wanna turn down tryin’ someone’s food on a date despite havin’ a fuckin’ seafood allergy… an’ sure, maybe ya could put it darn to me just not bein’ all that smart an’ brush it off as nowt more’n that… but gimme some credit ‘ere, would ya? A bit dense a may be, but that dumb under normal circumstances? Nah pal, am not that bad.
The flip side a‘course, is that we do daft stuff or make dumb mistakes for love, not ‘cause of it. An’ that’ns more’n true an’ all.
A mean, tek me an’ the Mrs - am never gonna grow tired’a sayin’ that - but yeah, tek me an’ the mrs for example. Just by admitin’ that we were still in love after all these years, it’s gonna send ripples across us whole lives, cause problems for other people. Hurt other people. An’ that’s what am gettin’ at a guess, in some ramblin’, roundabout fashion. This new direction, or reconnection or… well, the whole makin’ things how they should be is the best way’a thinkin’ a’bart it to me, but that’s probably subjective. Either way, wi’ things now as they are, me an’ Autumn ‘ad no choice but to just accept that we were gonna hurt people. Or one person, a guess? Kandis dint gi’ a fuck, an’ that were only sex anyroad so no ‘arm, no foul theer. But Autumn were seein’ someone, way before the whole green card issue were even an issue. Gibbles… Gable… he were an innocent bystander in all’a this, he were from the bloody get go really, an’ he were dead set against the whole thing from the get go. An’ that were before there were even owt real a’bart the supposed feelin’s involved in’t marriage an’ all.
A dunno, a guess what am sayin’, is that while a we’re over the bloody moon a’bart havin’ Autumn back again after so long, it dint mean that a didn’t feel guilty for doin’ this to someone a once considered a friend. Sure, our friendship ‘ad soured considerable ever since a got darn on one knee an’ asked Autumn to be me legally wedded fake wife to ‘elp me secure me status in’t country… but Gibbles ‘ad been a good friend over’t years, especially back when me an’ Autumn were datin’ back in’t day, an’ it were them memories that made me feel the way a did.
‘Course, that weren’t gonna stop us either. That were the thing wi’ this whole, well a don’t wanna call it a mess ‘cause that weren’t how a saw it, but this whole situation… the thing a’bart it were that despite how bad it were, how ugly it were probably gonna get before all were said an’ done, it were all gonna be worth it ‘cause she were worth it. An’ she were. Me an’ Autumn, our history, it were always meant to be, weren’t it? A think, havin’ the blessin’ of hindsight now a weren’t buryin’ me head in’t sand, a knew that a were still in love wi’ ‘er all along, even if a weren’t able to admit it for the longest time until Kandis made me wake up an’ smell the coffee. An’ the old sayin’ is true ain’t it; ya don’t know what ya‘ve got till it’s gone… but a can appreciate it nah a’ve got ‘er back though, an’ a weren’t gonna let the worries a’bart how it were gonna go once Gibbles found out he were gettin’ kicked to curb stop me from bein’ fuckin’ ecstatic about finally bein’ back to where a we’re meant to be in life…
...unfortunately, me not worryin’ is an entirely different prospect to Autumnnot worryin’, ‘cause if there were a World Cup for anxiety or a champions league for overthinkin’, are lass would be holdin’ that trophy by the end‘a it, believe me on that’n. The mrs can get anxious a’bart the smallest thing, an’ this weren’t small by anystretch’a the imagination, were it? Nah, like fuck it were. This were gonna be huge, havin’ to tell Gibbles that while he dint have anythin’ to worry a’bart where us getting arrested were concerned anymore, he were gonna be ever so slightly miffed as it were… ‘ere, Gibbles, sorry babs, but am fuckin’ himagain nar’… weren’t gonna go darn well, were it? We debated it for a few days after comin’ back from Chicago, how to do it, when, what to say an’ all that bollocks. I were up for gettin’ it over wi’ as quickly as possible, rip the bandage off in one as the say, just do it an’ deal wi’ the fallart but like a said, Autumn were a champion worrier an’ were makin’ it far worse’n it needed to be as far as a were concerned but that’s are lass for ya, ain’t it? She’d bin ghostin’ Gibbles an’ all, which only made is wess; he were textin’ an’ callin’ an’ she were avoidin’ like a pro, but a finally got her to see sense an’ realise we ‘ad to get it over wi’ for his sake an’ ours. Couldn’t just hide forever, he needed to know eventually. Eventually, a got ‘er to agree to call him so we could get him to come over an’ we’d tell him together. Problem shared is a problem ‘alved an’ all that shite. She needed cigarettes though, ‘cause she’d pliers through her pack while panickin’ a’bart how it were gonna go, so like a good hubby, a grabbed the keys to me car an’ headed to the nearest Dollar General to sort that little issue out before we could deal wi’ the more pressin’ matter at ‘and… what a dint expect were to come back from the shop to find Gibbles already theer an’ from the look on ‘is face, Autumn’d clearly dropped the bomb already… bollocks!
Watson: “Er… dint expect to si’thee ‘ere, mate…”
Don’t judge all rate? A mean, a) it were the first thing that actually came to mind an’ 2) it were a true fuckin’ statement! A mean, all rate, he knew where we lived an’ technically he were her bloke - or thought he were at any rate - so it shunt be all that unusual for him to turn up at Autumn’s house… our house now a guess… but under the circumstances, ya can imagine why it were a bit’a a shock to the old system. He dint say owt at first, just got up an’ stared at me as he casually walked towards me, an’ a just stood theer, cigarettes in one ‘and an’ car keys in’t other, watchin’ as he casually stepped towards me… then it happened.
Gable: “YOU FUCKING RAT BASTARD!”
He’d swung before a knew what were happenin’, the punch connectin’ wi’ me chin, crunchin’ me lower lip against me teeth an’ a knew before a hit the ground or tasted that horrible metal tang that he’d bust me lip. Me car keys went flyin’ in one direction an’ Autumn’s cigs in another as a landed hard, narrowly avoidin’ hittin’ me head on’t floor as a crashed to the ground an’ Gable were standin’ over me as soon as a looked up, snarlin’ at me.
Gable: “Get up Ryan, get the fuck up right now!”
He dint just wanna kick the shit outa me, he wanted a fight. But a weren’t gonna gi’ it to ‘im, not ‘cause a dint wanna gi’ him the satisfaction or ‘cause a thought a could tek him due to some sense’a matcho bravado or owt like that, a just weren’t gonna fight ‘im, not when his reaction were justified completely…
Autumn: “Gable, please don’t-”
Could tell from her voice that she were cryin’, an’ a cast a glance over to ‘er to see mascara runs that proved me right, but there weren’t much a could do a’bart that in that particular moment in time an’ Gibbles were me more pressin’ concern as a pushed up to me elbows. He turned to look at ‘er though, pointin’ his finger at her.
Gable: “No! Don’t you dare tell me not to or to calm down or anything like that! Not after what you just fucking admitted!”
Lowerin’ his finger he turned back to look at me again.
Gable: “I said get the fuck up, asshole!”
A did as he said, slowly gettin’ back to me feet as a put a couple fingers to me lip an’ sure enough, they came away bloody. Standin’ up straight a looked him in’t eye an’ shook me head.
Watson: “Am not fightin’ ya, mate…”
Gable: “Mate? Mate? Don’t know how you fucking dare!”
Watson: “For what it’s worth pal, a mean it… not that it looks like it, fair enough… am still not fightin’ ya though, Gibbles…”
Gable: “It’s Gable! My fucking name is Gable!”
A threw me hands up defensively; a were gonna go to bat over a bloody name, that were for sure… not when a were determined not to fight back at all, no matter what happened…
Watson: “Alright, am sorry, fuckin’ ‘ell… but that don’t change the fact am still not fightin’ ya, pal… just not doin’ it...”
Gable: “Few more punches might change your mind…”
He set his foot an’ all, a were ready for it, to try an’ block it this time, if he did throw another… but it didn’t come. A meant what a said, a weren’t gonna fight him. A wouldn’t be a punch bag either, am not that daft, but a weren’t gonna punch back.
Gable: “You know, I can’t believe I fucking trusted you…”
He turned to look at Autumn.
Gable: “Either of you!”
Autumn dropped down onto the sofa again as he turned back to look at me.
Gable: “But especially you, you fuck! I knew this wedding idea was a fucking disaster from the start, I knew it wasn’t gonna end well for somebody, but I sure as fuck didn’t expect that somebody to be me! Was this your plan all along, huh?! Because lemme tell you Ry, you didn’t have to go to the trouble of fucking marrying her just to get her in the sack, that’s some fucking dedication right there!!”
Watson: “It weren’t like that, ma-... it weren’t like that, all rate?!”
Gable: “Bullshit!”
He actually spat on the floor at my feet, which were kinda surprisin’ but the glare on his face coulda killed from a hundred yards so a shouldn’t be shocked really…
Gable: “Don’t you dare give me the whole it just happened routine, Ry. I know you two have made me look like a fool but I’m not an idiot with it! You planned this from the fucking get go, you bastard! You saw an opening and jumped at it and she fell for it hook like and fucking sinker!”
Watson: “Am tellin’ ya sunshine, it weren’t like that… a know it’s hard to believe me Gable, but a mean it, this really weren’t what a were after when I asked Autumn to ‘elp me out…”
Gable: “Help you out?!”
He were glarin’ at me again, as if a were talkin’ some sorta alien language. Am from Yorkshire pal, not Epsilon!
Gable: “You didn’t ask her to ‘help you out’, you asshole, you asked her to break the law! You asked her to go through this entire fucking charade in order to keep you in the fucking country! You asked my fucking girlfriend to marry you, made the entire world think she was married to you! And did you even consider how that made me feel? No!”
Wi’ how high the tension were gettin’ a knew he weren’t far off goin’ for me again, an’ can ya say ya blame him? A mean, everythin’ he were sayin’ we’re basically true weren’t it? It ain’t as if am claimin’ to be the good guy in all’a this, an’ it ain’t as if am sayin’ a don’t care either, ‘cause a do. But sometimes ya have to care more a’bart ya self than someone else an’ that’s what this were.
Gable: “I don’t know what’s worse, that fact that you were so selfish to drag her into this in the first place, or the fact you’ve abused the fact she helped you in order to get back into her bed!”
Autumn: “I’m actually here you know?”
A looked over at Autumn, expectin’ her to look angry, but she still looked every bit as worried an’ anxious as she’d looked all day, still teary an’ worried about what were gonna go darn. That were as bad as owt, seein’ her like that…
Gable: “Well it’s true!”
Gable’d turned briefly to Autumn too, to say that, but he quickly turned back to glare at me again. Evidently it were me takin’ the whole‘a the blame for this then. A mean, it’s fair enough, it were my doin’ anyway, but it were interestin’ that that were how he were interpretin’ it…
Gable: “Why now, huh? Why not before all this bullshit?! When you love someone, you know… I know I love her, but you’ve fucked all that up!”
Gibbles’ fists were clenchin’ an’ a were just waitin’ for him to swing at the crease again like Ian Botham lookin’ to hit for a six. A weren’t the only’n that spotted it though, ‘cause Autumn were suddenly standin’ between us, her back to me as she looked at Gable, tryin’ to calm the twat darn.
Autumn: “It wasn’t like that Gable, I swear to you…”
He looked at her, his eyes poppin’ a bit before his brows raised.
Gable: “Oh yeah, because I’m really going to believe that now, huh? You tell me you’ve got back together with your ex who’s also your husband and that it happened days ago while you were away in Chicago and you expect me to believe that it’s not just about him getting into your fucking underwear?!”
Autumn moved forward, went to put a hand on his ar, but he flipped out an’ jumped back.
Gable: “Oh hell no, don’t touch me, not now I know what you… what he… I can’t even fucking say it!”
Autumn: “I’m sorry Gable, I’m so sorry…”
Gable: “You think I want your pity? Save the pity party, it’s only to make yourself feel better anyway, right?”
Autumn: “No, Gable it really isn’t, we-”
It’s funny, everythin’ he were sayin’ made it sound like he were furious wi’ both’a us, but body language tells a tale all’a it’s own, don’t it? An’ he may have been havin’ a pop at Autumn as well as me in terms’a what he were sayin’, but it were obvious that it were only me that he were angry wi’. Like, fuck you sunshine, it takes two to booody tango! A dint say owt though, ‘cause if am honest ad rather it were me he were angry wi’ anyway, are lass were almost as much’a a victim as him really. If ad not dropped this on ‘er…
Gable: “Do you really think that anything you say can make this any better? You cheated on me and now you’re leaving me for him!”
He threw his finger up at me, his temper flarin’ as he did, like a said it were obviously me that were the big bad in all’a this, an’ to be fair it should be an’ all, but that dint stop me from gettin’ a bit annoyed at the fact he were shoutin’ at Autumn as much as he were, even if a hot why.
Watson: “She told ya pal, she never meant to hurt ya. But that’s life Gable, sometimes ya do summet ya dint intend to, it just happens!”
Gable: “Dont lecture me, you fucking asshole!”
He actually snarled at me when he said that. He were lookin more’n more like a wild animal wi’ every passin’ minute.
Gable: “I don’t care what you have to say anymore, Ry, I stopped giving a fuck the minute my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for you!”
Watson: “Aye, an’ a know that’s gonna sting, but the look at the bloody state’a ‘er! She’s terrified right nah, all ‘cause’a the way you’re actin’!”
Gable: “Oh shut the fuck up! You think you have any right to judge me right now, you fucking snake?! We used to be friends, but obviously you don’t remember what that word means! When you needed help, who flew you guys out to New York, huh? Who financed Autumn’s birthday party that year? Who booked her favourite band? It was me! And now it’s me and her that’s dating, you repay me by marrying her to stay in the country and then convince her to leave me!”
A mean, when ya put it like that…
Watson: “Look Gibbles, I know-”
Gable: “I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!”
Wi’ his shoulders squared, he stepped up to me again, ready for another punch a guess… but before he could, Autumn were stood in front’a ‘im wi’ ‘er ‘ands pushin’ against his cheat to try an’ stop him from confrontin’ me or attackin’ me a guess… dint work though, he just brushed her aside casually like she weren’t even there an’ shoved me back.
Watson: “A can think’a plenty’a words that are worse right now!”
Gable: “Oh yeah? Well let’s fucking hear it asshole, let’s see what The Gobshite of Proffesional Wrestling has to throw around, huh?!”
Watson: “Don’t fuckin’ try me!”
Autumn: “Enough!!”
We both looked over to see Autumn just drop down to the floor, cross legged as she started to cry in frustration. Funny thing were, Gable actually motioned to move towards ‘er an’ ‘ad to stop ‘imself from doin’ it… some habits die hard a guess. Me though, a don’t hesitate, walkin’ over to where she were slumped an’ kneelin’ darn in front’a ‘er, pressin’ me forehead against the top’a her noggin, whisperin’ to ‘er as a tried to calm her darn.
Watson: “Oi, come on love, it’s allrate… this were always gonna be how it were, we knew that… it’ll be fine, a promise thee.”
She just shook ‘er ‘ead an’ wouldn’t look at me… this were really hurtin’ her, an’ that just made me feel like an even bigger arsehole for puttin’ her through this, even if it were what were meant to be…
Watson: “Autumn Watson, look at me…”
Grudgingly, she did. Her eyes were puffy an’ ‘er makeup a mess, but a tried to wipe her tears wi’ me thumbs all the same.
Watson: “It will be al’rate, love… a know it don’t seem like it nar, but it will. Gi’ it time, okay?”
Autumn: “But we caused this dude, we did this!”
Watson: “Aye, we did. An’ we’re ownin’ it ain’t we. We ain’t hidin’ owt, we ain’t lyin’ to anyone, we’ve been honest a’bart what’s goin’ on an’ that’s all we can do…”
A weren’t sure just how much me pep talk were helpin’ to be honest wi’ ya, but a weren’t gonna let Gibbles’ hurt feelin’s stop me from lookin’ out for me mrs either. Fuck that.
Watson: “An’ aye, Gable’s gettin’ hurt, but sometimes that ‘appens, an’-”
A dint get to finish what a were sayin’ ‘cause a found me self goin’ area over tit again, Gable shovin’ me over so that a were no longer in front’a Autumn, who let out a bit of a whimper.
Gable: “Don’t you fucking dare try and rationalise all of this, you fuck! You both should be feeling shame right now, not trying to console one another and justify what you’ve done!”
Gettin’ back to me feet, a brushed the hair outa me eyes an’ a were havin’ to control me self pretty strongly nah. A dint wanna retaliate, ‘cause in’t long run he were rate, an’ all he were doin’ is lashin’ out ‘cause he were angry… but fuckin’ ‘ell, he were testin’ me patience nah!
Watson: “Alright sunshine, a get it, alright? A get ya pissed off, an’ a get ya wanna blame somebody for that, rightly so, all us, hurt ya feelin’s, etc… but will ya look at the state’a ‘er?! Is this what ya wanna do, eh? She’s in fuckin’ bits ‘cause she’s guilty for hurtin’ ya an’ ya sayin’ a cant even try an’ calm ‘er darn despite it apparently bein’ me that’s t’ blame?!”
Gable: “I… it’s… you think this is about her? THE TWO OF YOU GOT BACK TOGETHER WHILE WE WERE STILL DATING!”
You ‘ave no idea how hard a had to bite me tongue when he said that, to stop me sen from sayin’ that me an’ ‘im were never exclusive. My head words in some fuckin’ stupid ways at times…
Watson: “An’ she’s been kickin’ ‘er own arse since, ‘cause goin’ for what she wanted were gonna hurt someone else. Hurt you. An’ ya know, a weren’t thrilled a’bart hurtin’ ya either mate, but sometimes it can’t be bloody helped! Now lash art all ya want Gable, ya have every right to… but don’t take it out on her, alright, ‘cause that makes you just as shitty for different reasons!”
He were fuckin’ speechless at that, just stood there starin’ at me as if he dint know what to say for a moment before the old synapses started firin’ again.
Gable: “I dunno how you fucking dare, Ryan!”
Watson: “Easy mate, I call it as I see it an’ right now I see someone who’s actin’ like a prick! Take it out on me all ya want but leave ‘er out of it, alright?”
Gable: “Oh go fuck yourself!”
For a minute I thought another punch were comin’ but it dint. Instead he waved an arm at me as if brushin’ my comment away an’ turned his back on me as if he were thinkin’.
Gable: “I should lay you the fuck out where you’re standing, it’s nothing less than what you deserve!”
Watson: “If ira gonna mek ya feel better Gable, then fill ya boots mate. Am not gonna fight back, so if ya think it’ll help then go for it…”
A looked over at Autumn, an’ it were plain t’ see that she were gettin’ nervous again, just after ad managed to start calmin’ ‘er darn an’ all…
Watson: “But aside from seein’ me bleed a bit more than I already ‘ave, it won’t achieve out. Ya may feel a bit better, an’ a may be in a bit’a pain until the cuts heal… but you’ll bruise ya knuckles doin’ it, which’re gonna tek some time to heal an’ all, an’ at the end’a it, me an’ Autumn’a still gonna be a couple, so what ya gonna gain from it, he?”
He were grindin’ his teeth as he listened to me speak, an’ it were obvious that what a were sayin‘ ‘ad ‘it hom’ ‘cause he dint seem to have out to throw back at me… until his face changed an’ he actually laughed before lookin’ back at me again.
Gable: “You know… maybe you’re right. Maybe hitting you isn’t going to do me any good, other than giving me the satisfaction of seeing you bleed… even if you suffer, you’re right, you two, you’re still a thing… but you’re forgetting something Ryan…”
A dint like where this were goin’ an’ from lookin’ over at me mrs, neither did she…
Watson: “An’ what’s that then?”
He started to grin, which were troublin’...
Gable: “You’re forgetting just how much I know!”
An’ there it were, the other shoe droppin’. Good old Gable Winchester, the guy ya wanna take ‘ome to meet ya mother, the guy who wouldn’t say boo to a goose… finally droppin’ a pipe bomb. The wedding! He were talkin’ a’bart how he knew that mine an’ Autumn’s marriage weren’t real… or wasn’t originally anyway, ‘cause it kinda were now, weren’t it? Talk a’bart a back asswords way’a goin’ a’bart things. But when we say the I do’s an’ what not, it weren’t… and that were what t’old Gibbles were gettin’ at.
Gable: “I’m pretty sure that the department of immigration would be more than happy to have a little chat about people getting married just to secure a green card… what do you think, Ry?”
A wain’t say that his words dint send a flash of fear through me body; there were a time, even before a realized how a felt a’bart Autumn, that a worried Gibbles would end up reportin’ us to immigration if he got fed up of havin’ to ‘share’ his bird wi’ me, even for appearences sake… an’ now that me an’ Autumn were actually together, well, what reason did he ‘ave to not shop me in to the feds, eh? Only… it wouldn’t just be me he were grassin’ up would it? An’ a felt a smile slowly spread across me face even though it definitely weren’t warranted under the circumstances…
Gable: “You think this is a fucking joke? I’d say it’s the least you deserve, Ry… you clearly don’t give a damn about anyone but yourself, otherwise you wouldn’t have put Autumn in this position in the first place!”
Autumn: “That’s not fair Gable, I-”
Gable: “Not fair?!”
I dunno what Autumn were gonna say, but Gable cut her off before she had a chance.
Gable: “How can you talk about things being fair, given what you’ve told me today?! I said it was a mistake from the minute he asked but you wouldn’t listen. You just had to help, you just had to save him… and now look! But who cares about poor gullible old Gable, huh? Doesn’t matter I said agreeing to marry him was a good idea, doesn’t matter that we were dating, because you two get a happy ending… well fuck that! Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just but the entire can of worms open and let immigration deal with it!”
A could think of a few, but a weren’t sure that me bein’ kicked out’a the country or me bein’ arrested were gonna be decent sellin’ points for ‘im to be honest, given how pissed off he were wi’ me…
Autumn: “Gable, I know you’re angry, but you can’t do that. You can’t!”
Gable: “And why can’t I?”
Watson: “I can think of a couple of reasons why not…”
Both of ‘em turned to look at me, Autumn lookin’ confused an’ Gibbles lookin’ surprised as they waited for me to explain the supposed reasons I ‘ad for why he shouldn’t do what he were threatenin’ to.
Watson: “F’ starters sunshine, you’ve bin in on the whole thing since the start, so you’ll only be implicatin’ ya sen if ya decide to try an’ get ya revenge, an’ am pretty sure ya won’t want that…”
An’ he would do an’ all, wouldn’t he? Let’s face it, old gibbles knew what we were doin’ an’ instead’a goin’ to the fuzz to tell ‘em, he sat at home while me an’ her both said I do! Sure, he were probably bein’ all pouty an’ sulkin’ a’bart it the whole time, but he had plenty’a opportunity to stop us, stop our plan or rat me out as a fraud an’ he didn’t. He were only bringin’ it up nah ‘cause he were angry, an’ we all knew it.
Watson: “An’ aye, maybe ya could claim ignorance or whatever, tell em ya thought it were all real an’ maybe they wouldn’t believe me when a told ‘em ya were in on the whole thing, think a were just tryin’ to spread the punishment around a bit or whatever, so maybe that ain’t a good enough reason on it’s own… but a know what is, mate… she is.”
A pointed me finger at Autumn, wi’ art actually lookin’ at ‘er, watchin’ as Gibbles did glance at ‘er then quickly back t’ me again.
Watson: “If you report me, you’ll be reportin’ Autumn an’ all… an’ no matter how ya try an’ spin it, there ain’t a single cop or immigration agent that’s gonna believe that she weren’t in on it too! So ask ya self mate, just how badly d’ya wanna get back at me, eh? Oh, a’ve no doubt that ya pretty much hate me at this point an’ a can’t say a blame ya for that… but am willin’ to stick as much money as ya want on the fact that regardless’a how much ya hate me, ya don’t hate her anywhere near enough to risk it…”
He looked speechless, his gob hangin’ open as Autumn started lookin’ between me an’ him.
Watson: “Tell me am wrong… go on, am waitin’…”
An’ he couldn’t. He just stood there, gawpin’ at me an’ probably quietly seethin’ too, ‘cause a were rate an’ he knew it. A mean, it were obvious; the entire time, he were directin’ ‘is anger at me, not at ‘us’, an’ it were only me he were gettin’ angry wi’… he cared too much to aim it at ‘er too.
Autumn: “Gable, I know… I know that you’re angry, and I know we hurt you… but if you go to immigration, you wouldn’t be getting even, you’d be ruining lives. Definitely his and probably mine too…”
He looked at Autumn, an’ it were obvious that he were already second guessin’ himself, but then his jaw tightened, an’ he looked defiantly at the both’re us… an’ it dawned on me that maybe ad overplayed me ‘and, after all…
Gable: “Then maybe you’ll get a taste of how it feels to be me right now… box up my stuff, I’ll pick it up when you go back on the road. I’ve got some thinking to do…”
An’ just like that, he walked towards me, bangin’ his shoulder into mine as he stormed past me an’ the door slammin’ behind him sounded like a bomb goin’ off in the otherwise quiet house.
Autumn: “…fuck. Fuck!”
A turned away from the door to see Autumn collapse onto the sofa, holdin’ ‘er ‘ead in ‘er ‘ands, clearly distressed. A were over theer quicker’n Sienna Swann can find a mirror as she enters a room, sat on the coffee table in front’a where she were sat.
Watson: “Oi, come on nah… it’ll be alrate love, don’t panic, eh?”
She looked up at me, cryin’ again.
Autumn: “How the fuck can you say that, baby? Gable, what he just said… fuck! We should have put the brakes on, like we talked about. Should have slowed down!”
Watson: “An’ lie to ‘im more than we already were? Ya conscience wouldn’t ‘ave let ya love, we both know that… okay, so all the rehearsin’ an’ stuff were for nowt, but it’s me an’ thee against the world love, always were really…”
Autumn: “And what if I’m not strong enough for that fight anymore dude, then what?”
A just smiled at ‘er an’ shook me head.
Watson: “A know otherwise. F’ all the anxiety, panickin’, overthinkin’ an’ the whole bag’a mashin’s… a know how strong you are, alrate? So aye, it’s shit… an’ it might be shit for a while an’ all… but we’ll get through it. An’ if he does dob me in, well… al do what a can to make sure they don’t think you were involved…”
Autumn: “You think he will? Make the call that is?”
Fuck knows… but a shook me ‘ead either way…
Watson: “Nah love... If it were just me, maybe, but it ain’t. As much as he’s hurtin’, he ain’t gonna do that to ya.”
Autumn: “I hope your right baby… I really fucking do…”
Aye, she weren’t alone wi’ that; a wish a could be as confident about what a were sayin’ as a sounded, but what good would it do for me to openly be sayin’ that, eh? A mean, it’s enough that one’a us is horribly anxious at the best’a times, ain’t it? Last thing we needed were for me to join the party an’ all… so all a could do were be hopeful that a weren’t wrong a’bart Gibble’s an’ his morals. We’ll not say owt a’bart how questionable mine clearly are, a don’t wanna put even more of a dampner on things…
It’s funny… in all’a them promo’s a filmed for Autumn, all’a the times a were on screen on ‘er behalf, it never felt like the basement recordin’ studio were ‘my’ space, if that meks sense? A mean, strictly speakin’ there were virtually bugger all in the whole house that felt like mine, given it weren’t mine… but it never felt like a needed to be comfortable in the studio, ‘cause a were only doin’ a job, doin’ Autumn a favour by cuttin’ them promo’s for ‘er while she concentrated on doin’ the business in’t ring. But nah… well, given that there’s bin a bit of a change’a circumstances wi’ me an’ Autumn an’ our livin’ arrangements, an’ given that a were now back in’t ring me self after returnin’ at Takin’ Hold’a the Flame, a had to accept that this were kinda my studio nah.
That sounds weird. Like, me house that a bought wi’ are Tom in San Dimas, that were definitely ‘my’ house. My names on’t ownership deeds an’ what not. An’ the Ferrari that Kennedy bought me when we were still married, it’s my name on’t pink slip f’ that, so again, that’s definitely mine… but this place? Despite bein’ man an’ wife for real nah, this were definitely still Autumn’s house. The studio were definitely Autumn’s… an’ yet it were me home. It where where a lived, an’ darn in this basement studio, it were where a went to ‘work’, weren’t it?
A mean, there’s that old sayin’ ain’t there, that ya shouldn’t work wi’ yer spouse, ‘cause it gives ya nowt but trouble in’t long run… only me an’ Autumn were livin’ together while we were only pretend married, an’ now… well, it’s all ‘appened so fast, that a’ve been scramblin’ to keep up wi’ a lot’a stuff to be honest, not just the fact that a were now standin’ in our studio instead’a Autumn’s studio.
Autumn: “Are you even paying attention?!”
A weren’t, a won’t lie. Her askin’ that dragged me back outa the world’a thoughts a were stuck in… this weren’t some run’a the mill match, this were me return to SCW proper, an’ it were also the fest time me an’ Autumn would ever stand side by side in a ring, not just wi’ one’a us actin’ as a manager or valet or whatever, but as actual tag partners! Eight years, eight years’a knowin’ each other, datin’, separated, married, an’ this were the first time we were both active an’ both talkin’… that’s a lot to not fuck up!
Watson: “Sorry love, miles away. What were ya sayin’?”
Autumn: “I asked if you knew what you wanted to say yet?”
Watson: “Oh… nah, just gonna wing it like normal…”
Nowt new there, a’ve been flyin’ by the seat’a me pants for me entire career, more’a less.
Autumn: “I just want to make sure we don’t end up saying the same stuff. I mean, I know these videos are nothing more than trying to get people to tune in, but we don’t want to look super unprofessional in our first match as a team, right?”
Watson: “Aye, a know love… a watched ya film ya video, remember? It’ll be fine, don’t worry about it…”
She eyed me skeptically.
Autumn: “But that’s what I do! I worry! And okay, so I’m not exactly worried really, but you heard what I said in my promo dude, I’m fed up of being a punching bag and I want to make sure we actually win this week!”
Smilin’, a winked at her in a knowin’ way, basically tellin’ her to leave it to me. God knows why, ‘cause it weren’t like I were in any real position to be tellin’ her I’d take care’a stuff, but once again, a felt like a had to be the one showin’ a bit’a confidence. Wi’ the lights all booted up an’ the focus re-set after Autumn went all home movie from filmin’ her own promo earlier in’t day, a walked over to the mark an’ took me place ready for the camera to begin rollin’. Which were on Autumn, who weren’t movin’, just watchin’ me an’ a needed to glare at ‘er to get ‘er to start movin’. She eventually got the hint though an’ stepped behind the camera to set it recordin’.
[[START RECORDING]]
Watson: “Well fuck me, it’s nice to stand ‘ere in front’a this camera an’ not have’ta worry about timey-wimey bollocks this time art… seriously, a’ve ya got any fuckin’ clue how much it messed wi’ me head havin’ to talk a’bart all that ‘you’re watchin’ this after a’ve already done what am talkin’ a’bart but t’ me it ain’t happened yet’ shite?! Christ, even David Tennant’d get confused by that!”
Mental note Ry, don’t start sayin’ Alonsy at random… ‘sand shoes’ are acceptable though!
Watson: “So as ya can obviously tell, the Gobshite of Professional Wrestlin’ is back! It weren’t just a one off for Takin’ Hold’a the Flame, ‘cause I ain’t one f’ doin’ stuff by halves, tha knows?! An’ a know a don’t need t’ hype me self up in any way shape or form, ‘cause are lass did that brilliantly in ‘er video, but anyone who knows a single thing a’bart me knows that am no shrinkin’ violet! For someone who ain’t been in a ring in a’bart two years, a don’t think twenty five minutes in the battle royal were all that bad, d’you? Twelth place, not bad f’ someone a bit rusty, eh? Thankfully, a’ve ‘ad a bit’a time to ensure am in proper ring shape lately, an’ like are lass said, a’ve been trainin’ wi’ ‘er for long enough to know that am gonna be ready when that bell rings on Wednesday neet. Unlike are lass though, I ain’t got a couple years’a bein’ shafted to complain a’bart, at least not personally; the last year an’ change, a’ve been trainin’ ‘er an’ Kandis, among others. A’ve been workin’ wi’ other people instead’a workin’ on me own career… but a think its time that stopped, dunt you?”
Watson: “See, are lass did a great job’a remindin’ each an’ every one’a you wankers who I am, what am capable’a an’ what a’ve done. Just like a could wax lyrical a’bart her year long tag reign or her impressive Television title reign… but we all know that success in this business is flash in’t pan; if ya not doin’ summet nah, ya may as well a’ve never done owt! Which is pretty much what Autumn said in her promo, condensed into one astute little sentence, ain’t it? Not that am sayin’ ya waffled on love, just doin’ a summary for those pricks at home wi’ the attention span of a lemmin’ that’s all. Love ya!”
A winked at Autumn behind the camera, who just rolled her eyes at me before wavin’ for me to crack on. Never let it be said am one to disappoint.
Watson: “Nah, lemme tell ya where things stand as far as am concerned. See, a’ve come to look at things in terms of seasons, of series, pick ya preferred lexicon’a choice. Me first run ‘ere in SCW, we’ll call that season one. Adrenaline title reign, member’a the most distructive an’ most successful stable ever to set foot in this company, an’ as are lass pointed out, the guy who were anti-establishmen before that were the cool thing t’be! Then a got injured an’ we get a break. SCW gets that bit less excitin’, it get’s a bit less sweary an’ features a distinct lack’a gobshite involved. Then we get the season two premiere! Season two featured a bit’a a different cast, some good highs like a United States Championship reign an’ a shot at the World Heavyweight championship when that big cunt Blitzkrieg were holdin’ it… an’ then another finale, all be it of me own choosin’ this time instead’a enforced mothballin’ like the end’a ‘season one’. But nar… it’s season three sunshine! Whole new season, return’a some key cast members from season one in new an’ improved roles an’ this… well, a’ve got a feelin’ that this’ gonna be the best’n yet! An’ a know what ya thinkin’, a cocky cunt like me, he’s always gonna assume that things’a gonna turn out champion ain’t he… but tha knows, a’ve just got a feelin’ a’bart this’n time around, a dunno why. Maybe it’s cause am back to bein’ just me, the gobshite who speaks his fuckin’ mind an’ does whatever the fuck he wants… an’ not only that, am ‘ere wi’ the people a wanna be ‘ere wi’ an’ all! An’ would ya believe it, first match back an’ would ya believe it, it’s me an’ are lass in tag team competition…”
Watson: “…which came as summet of a shock to the both’a us, ‘cause like Autumn said, it ain’t like anybody bothered to mention they were gonna be puttin’ us together as a tag team, but a guess lazy bookin’ is still bookin’ at the end’a the day, ain’t it? It were Pete Townsend who wrote the line “meet the new boss, same as the old boss” weren’t it? Won’t Get Fooled Again… fuckin’ love The Who, me! But am wanderin’ off on a tagent ain’t a? Gotta get used to doin’ this for me sen again, a mean it didn’t really matter if a started talkin’ bollocks when a were cuttin’ these for Autumn did it? But now they’re for me, a’ve got to actually put some effort in!”
Autumn scowled at me from behind the camera at that, which brought a bit of a smirk to me face, a waint lie.
Watson: “As a were sayin’ though, it might not be the same old gaffer runnin’ this shitshow these days, but same surname an’… well, the apple dint fall too far from’t tree, did it? But while are lass may a’ve preferred we were booked against a couple’a scrubs like Sammy Thomas Davies an’ his bird Chlamydia for our first match as a lazily booked team, me? Dunno if ya remember or not, but go big or go home were summet of a mantra for me an’ I ain’t changed that much since them early days, a’ve just got a few years older an’ me hair a foot or so longer! Still a dickhead, still a loud mouth, still incredibly good in bed an’ a still like jumpin’ in at the deep end wi’ both feet instead’a just dippin’ me toes in an’ acclimatisin’ to the situation! That right there folks, is called a tie in. A clear reference to what that hot little bird am married to said in her video filmed a little bit earlier! How’s that for bein’ in sync, eh?! Al say this though, a think the Mrs were wrong when she said we should’ve bin given a chance to build some chemistry up fest before gettin’ chucked into the deep end… far as am concerned, a get to see how much chemistry the two’a us ‘ave on a near nightly basis, an’ the earth may not actually move any more’n it does naturally when that chemistry takes place, but it damn near comes close! An’ unless our opponents this week’ve got a relationship similar to Stacy Kissinger an’ her old man before he popped his clogs, a can guarantee that that puts us closer than they’ll ever be, despite the fact that they slid outa the same cunt an’ suckled on the same tit as nippers! An’ ain’t that what the tag division is actually a’bart when all’s said an’ done? An’ like Autumn said, the Truelove Twins, they’re the former number one contenders ain’t they, so aye, bit of a deep end sorta situation goin’ on, but a fuckin’ love that sunshine, a rate do!”
Watson: “A mean, what a fuckin’ statement to make, eh? Mr an’ Mrs Watson ridin’ in art’a nowhere an’ pickin’ up a win over a couple’a Sienna Swann’s… friends? Enemies?... frienemies? Fuck, I ain’t got a clue at this point whether it’s true or not, whether they’re still part’a the Beauty Factory or whether they really have been booted art onto their arses! Thing is, a dunt really care either. It dunt matter if they’re BFF’s the the BF or whether the Truelove twins are Truly Unloved by Laura’s little lovelies – gotta love alliteration – ‘cause it’s never about the pricks across from ya an’ what’s goin’ on in their lives, it’s a’bart beatin’ them an’ advancin’ yer own career. And whether the Beauty Factory a’ve partially imploded when Sienna realized the sun dint shine out’a ‘er arse or not, whether Laura actually threw a shit fit an’ kicked em out or whether it’s all just a rouse, a don’t care. Not my fight, not my politics… all that a do care a’bart is tryin’ t’ keep their run’a form goin’ on the downward spiral it started on at Takin’ Hold’a the Flame when they failed to beat Redemption for the tag titles… an’ if the bookin’ committee are gonna keep bookin’ me an’ the Mrs as a team, a guess we should be keepin’ them belts in’t back’a our mind, shunt we? We’ll hold off on specifically sayin’ that for nar though, given Kandis an’ her fuck toy get a crack at Redemption next week an’ we don’t wanna be turnin’ our friends into enemies like we’re part’a the Beauty Factory, do we?”
A can’t help but smirk at that, an’ a notice Autumn doin’ the same from behind the camera, but a don’t waste any time an’ crack on.
Watson: “One’a the Truelove’s made me laugh in’t lead up to Takin’ Hold’a the Flame though… an’ don’t ask me which, ‘cause am fucked if a know the answer, but they said they weren’t ever rewarded for their successes… said that in a promo addressin’ their upcomin’ World Tag Title match, a should add. New definition’a irony? Maybe so! An’ maybe a shunt expect any more from someone who likes electronic dance music, maybe expectin’ logic is expectin’ too much… but really? Fuckin’ ‘ell, where does SCW get ‘em, eh?! But they gave it their best an’ hey, at least Laura whatever her fuckin’ name is rewarded ‘em… right? Toodles, thanks for everythin’, here’s a mad Japanese puppy dog for ya troubles, nar fuck off. An’ am sure London an’ Paris – Christ, their parents were imaginative weren’t they? – are gonna tell us how they’re hot shit, how they’re the best thing since sliced bread an’ a whole host’a other things, once they’ve wallowed in a bit’a self pity, but here’s the thing sunshine. Ya can’t pick ya family, but ya can pick the person ya marry. Blood binds ya whether ya like it or not, so that connection they’ve got? Means fuck all to me mate. They’re not even the only twins we’ve got in SCW, so it’s not like that’s a unique bond anyway, is it? But a guess it’s not like that were their choice, is it? Me an’ Autumn did pick each other though… an’ like a said earlier, am pretty sure that me an’ ‘er are a’bart as close as it’s possible to get as part of a tag team, so who’s winnin’ the whole ‘bong’ thing headin’ into this one, anyway? An’ who knows… maybe we get our arses kicked an’ management second guess whether they should be stickin’ me an’ the Mrs together after all. Maybe the Truelove Twins, t’old London an’ Paris, have summet to prove an’ really wanna get that chip off their shoulder, who knows. But wi’ Autumn already convinced the board don’t care an’ me only just comin’ back after a couple’a years away from the ring, were there ever any expectation on us anyway? We ain’t got a tag theme, we ain’t even got a tag name, but for Wednesday night we’re a team… an’ ain’t that what a marriage is anyway? I pick ‘er up when she’s darn an’ she picks me up when am low. A partnership, a real team, in the ring an’ art basically! An’ who knows… maybe this is the start’a Autumn’s rise to the top again, ready to become a two time World Tag Team champion, an’ me winnin’ it for the first time. Between us, we’ve won pretty much everythin’ available in this company, bar the big’n. Maybe it’s time we remind everybody why Infamous were so fuckin’ deadly back in’t day. Maybe it’s time we remind people why Autumn Valentine… Autumn Watson were tag champ for a year, held the television title an’ were a two time Women’s champion… maybe it’s time to remind each an’ every one’a you cunts why am the Prodigal One. Why am the Gobshite’a Professional Wrestlin’ an’ why INFAMY awaits… Christ, it’s been a long time since a said that. But here’s a newsflash for ya… ya better get fuckin’ used to it, ‘cause Ryan Watson is back, an’ it’s a’bart to get interestin’!”
An’ wi’ that, a nod at Autumn an’ she presses the stop button to round out the video.
[[STOP RECORDING]]
Watson: “Well, a don’t think that were too bad, all things considered…”
Autumn looked at me in thought, then turned away wi’out comment. Probably not a good sign, rate?
Watson: “Ya don’t think it were?”
She still dint say owt. Definitely not a good sign.
Watson: “Am a talkin’ double dutch ‘ere? Autumn!”
She finally turned around an’ looked at me.
Autumn: “Well, its not that it was bad, baby, but… you realise you played off a lot of what I said, right?”
Watson: “Course a did… it’s called unity. Showin’ a united front, teamwork, blah blah blah.”
Autumn: “Not exactly original though, was it?”
Fair point.
Watson: “No, maybe not… but better than just standin’ there makin’ jokes a’bart capital cities an’ callin’ em a couple’a tarts, weren’t it? Besides, am tryin’ to get back into the swing’a it ‘ere, ain’t a? It takes time…”
She seemed to consider that for a moment before sighing and just smiling as she nodded.
Autumn: “Alright… I guess it’s a good start. Something to build on, right?”
That were more like it!
Watson: “Exactly. Gotta start somewhere love! An’ wi’ you by my side babe, am sure it’ll be a quick rise an’ all!”
She smirked at that one, lookin’ at me coyly.
Autumn: “It usually is, baby…”
An’ wi’ a wink, she turned an’ headed for the stairs, leavin’ me to watch her cute little arse as she started to make her way outa the basement. Can’t say a dint enjoy the view… a mean, it were definitely a great view as a followed anyway. Married life weren’t all that bad pal, believe me when a say that. Oh aye.