Ryan Watson :: The Prodigal One ::

STARRING:

[Taking Hold Of The Future: Chapter 01]
.:| “Lights. Camera. Action” |:.

…Present day

Eye’s closed, a took a deep breath an’ let it out slowly before openin’ em again an’ sittin’ upright to stare straight darn the barrel of the camera that were pointin’ at me from behind the coffee table. Kandis were silent, had been for a bit nah, which were worryin’ given the gob on ‘er… though a guess that’s rich comin’ from me, ain’t it? An’ yet despite how awkward a were when this whole ordeal began, a felt… a dunno, free? Unburdened? It were like a weight were lifted from me shoulders an’ while a were bein’ a mardy twat before the camera started rollin’, the only thing left to do nah were finish. Keepin’ me eyes locked on the camera a let the rest of what’d been buildin’ up inside of me head for the last couple hours finally come art…

Ryan Watson: “A guess what am tryin’ to say, is that nobdie’s perfect… but when it all comes darn to it, ya not lookin’ for perfection, ya know? Ya search for perfection an’ ya may as well be searchin’ f’rever, ‘cause we’re all a little bit shit in different ways, ya know? An’ to be honest, as imperfect as it all were at times, as difficult as it could be… we worked. An’ it were a million t’one chance it’d word, but when push really comes to shove, million t’one chances happen more often than ya’d think. An’ if a could go back an’ do it all again, ad bust me bollocks to make it work, ‘cause fuckin’ up how a did is the biggest regret’a me life. Happy?”

Seemed she were, ‘cause Kandis leant forward an’ pressed the stop button before sittin’ back wi’ ‘er arms folded across her norks, just givin’ me one’a them looks. Ya know what am on about, them ‘told ya so’ looks that smart arses get when they’ve proven rate. I hate that bloody expression when it’s on someone else’s face instead’a me own!

…90 minutes earlier

Watson: “A just don’t get what it’ll achieve, love…”

The camera were pointin’ at me but the light weren’t blinkin’ yet an’ to be honest, a weren’t exactly convinced this were gonna do any good what so ever, though a were apparently wrong about that’n if ya were to ask Kandis, who said she wanted me to come to her place in West Hollywood to go over some stuff before the pay per view where she were due to face off wi’ Regan Helms for my old Adrenaline championship. Alrate, so it may not ‘ave been mine in a good few years nah, but old habits die ‘ard, ya know?

A turned up expectin’ to be watchin’ tapes or summe like that, goin’ over strategies for when she climbed in the ring wi’ the ‘ellcat but as it turned out, someone had other ideas.

Walkin’ into her studio apartment, a stepped inside to find ‘er sat in the lounge part not wi’ ‘er computer set up or even the telly an’ dvd player, but her camera. Now it’s not like I ain’t seen her settin’ ‘er camera up before, a mean a’ve ‘elped her film her promos from time to time so it ain’t owt new in that respect, but normally there’s a more theatrics involved wi’ that, if that meks sense? A mean, it’s at least set up so it looks professional an’ stuff, but the camera were just pointin’ at ‘er sofa an’ she were sat cross legged on’t floor behind it grinnin’ at me like a cat who’d got all the cream an’ found some catnip for good measure.

“All in good time dude,” she’d said to me as the door closed behind me an’ a made me way over to ‘er, wonderin’ what the fuck were goin’ on. If a certain event hadn’t ‘appened a few days earlier, ad ‘ave thought she were just bein’ kinky an’ wanted to film us gettin’ it on, but that weren’t gonna be happenin’ again, not anymore anyroad.

Kandis: “Just shut up and do what you’re told, okay? We’re not just gonna pretend that last week didn’t happen, and if your head isn’t where it needs to be then I don’t want you around me either, so this isn’t just in your best interests but mine too…”

Watson: “How many times’ve I gotta tell ya love, it were an--”

Kandis: “I said shut up and do what you’re told, dude. I’m almost done.”

Fuck sake. Even me own ‘student’ won’t listen to me nah. A mean, alrate, so student is a bit of a stretch, given I only trained Kandis in’t early days, but yeah… nice to know am respected, eh? Fuck sake.

Kandis: “Alright, we’re all set.”

Watson: “Set f’what?! Ya called me an’ asked me t’come ‘ere, dint tell me what for, an’ now am bein’ bossed ab’art like am Bree Lancaster’s latest squeeze answerin’ to ‘er every beck an’ call an’ now ya sayin’ we’re all set? The fuck’s goin’ on, love?!”

Know what’s worse that bein’ kept in’t dark? When the fucker keepin’ you in it is smug a’bart it! Instead’a answerin’ me, Kandis leant forward and simply tapped the record button on her camera, before sittin’ back again, continuin’ to grin at me like she were mrs clever bollocks an’ I were the village idiot!

[REC]

Watson: “Alrate, so what’s the crack ‘ere then? Am doin’ what am told, am sittin’ while that annoyin’ fuckin’ light blinks away at me, so ya gonna tell me what the fuck’s goin’ on nah or do I just sit ‘ere an’ ‘ope it becomes obvious?”

Kandis: “Isn’t it obvious? Come on Ry, you’ve been in the business long enough now to know what an interview looks like, haven’t you?”

An interview? A fuckin’ interview? What the fuck as she bin smokin’?!

Watson: “You high, love? Or pissed? ‘Cause the’s summet not rate wi’ ya, a can tell ya that much…”

Decidin’ a weren’t playin’ games anymore, a went to stand up, only to be told in no uncertain terms that a weren’t allowed to go anywhere.

Kandis: “SIT!”

Won’t lie, it were a reflex motion, but me arse were down on that sofa quicker’n Katelyn Buehler’s knickers hittin’ the floor back in two thousand an’ nine.

Watson: “Alright love, calm darn. Am not a fuckin’ labradoodle!”

Kandis: “No, dog’s actually listen when you bark orders at them.”

Watson: “Aye, but they also shit all over’t rug, where as am pretty sure I never took a piss in the corner while ‘ere…”

Kandis: “Just shut up and listen, dude. We’re gonna try a little experiment. A truth experiment…”

Watson: “The fuck’s a--”

A hand cut me off in me tracks, pretty much tellin’ me that if I’d just shut me trap, all’d be explained. But let’s face it, ya can’t stop a gobshite bein’ a gobshite, that’s like askin’ David Helms to not be a fuckin’ tosser, ain’t it?

Kandis: "Look, it’s obvious that you’re trying to avoid dealing with what happened last week, dude. You don’t just say what you said and then get to put it back in the box… it complicates things, Ry and you know it does…”

Watson: “Look, I told you, I didn’t mean to--”

Kandis: “It doesn’t matter if you meant to do it or not, when it’s out there it’s out there and we have to deal with it, you can’t just take something like that back Ry…”

Watson: “I told you already love, it just slipped out, heat’a the moment. We ain’t got to make a big song an’ dance about me sayin’--”

Kandis: “And I told you we do, Ryan Watson, so shut the fuck up and do what I say!”

How the fuck do I end up in this situation all’t bloody time, eh?! It’s like a’ve got this magnet fer women wi’ big gob’s that like tellin’ me what to do. It’s me who’s meant t’be the bloody gobshite’a pro-wrestlin’ but a keep welcomin’ birds into me life that could make a statue sit darn if they told it sternly enough.

Watson: “Alright bloody ‘ell, just get on wi’ it then…”

An’ if she keeps smirkin’ at me like that, she’s gonna get a bloody slap an’ all…

Kandis: “Alright dude, let’s figure this shit out… why the fuck did you call me Autumn?”

…bollocks

…One Week Earlier

A guess ya can say a’ve got some weird taste in liquor when ya consider a’ve never gone in for any of the generic options most people go fer when avin’ a drink; maybe it’s ‘cause me parents weren’t conventional drinkers when it came to what they were into an’ like most kids a started me foray into the world’a gettin’ loaded by raidin’ their drinks cabinet whenever they were out fer the neet. Me dad’s weird wi’ his booze, ‘cause he’s a big vodka fan but wunt use traditional vodka to clean the drains art. Smirnoff can fuck off an’ Absolut is absolute shite accordin’ to ‘im, he’s all about his boutique distilleries an’ artisan liquors… talk about betrayin’ his workin class roots, but a guess he put in enough graft back when he were still workin’ darn the pit to be able to drink whatever potato vodka from Poland he wants…

An’ me mam, she’s not much of a drinker to be fair, but when she ain’t havin’ a nice bottle’a overpriced red, she’d crack out the weird flavoured gin. An’ am not talkin’ about elderflower or somethin’ similar but shit like cucumber or dragon fruit. Tellin’ ya mate, it were weird havin’ an underage drink in my bloody house growin’ up…

…which is exactly why a don’t think am all that partial to normal stuff like whiskey or rum. A mean, a can sup a pint as quickly as the next block when darn the pub but when it comes to havin’ a proper drink, am afraid it’s off to Germany wi’ that cough medicine tastin’ delightful liquor quaffed in bomb form by college kids throughout the land. Jager. An’ that’s exactly what ad drunk half a bottle of as I sat drinkin’ wi’ Kandis in her place.

Kandis: “I dunno how you drink that shit. Tastes like something the pharmacist would prescribe when you have a chest infection…”

Watson: “An’ I’m never ill… coincidence much? I think not!”

She went to say somethin’, but after a moment of thought, shrugged her shoulders an’ nodded. I really don’t get ill much, though am not actually sayin’ it’s owt to do wi’ drinkin’ Jager… just coincidence, but it’s a useful coincidence none the less.

Watson: “Besides, we both know you’ll drink owt wi’ a percentage if push comes to shove love, so let’s not get all high an’ mighty, eh?”

She smirked at that’n.

Kandis: “I also like the sound of push coming to shove… or coming after some pushing anyway…”

Her leg uncurled from underneath her an’ she reached it out to lay it in me lap, so that ‘er foot were sittin’ high up on me thigh, just a’bart close enough to me meat whistle to make it more’n evident what she were after. A waint lie, a were grinnin’ pretty broadly before her foot shifted the last few mill, let alone once it’d moved.

Kandis: “Someone’s excited…”

Watson: “Am a bloke, love… a particularly bumpy card journey can do the same thing-woah now!”

She’d pushed down wi’ ‘er foot at the comparison to a car ride. A mean, alrate, a get the point… but it could’a been worse, surely? Least a weren’t comparison her to takin’ a shit or summet. An’ no, before ya say owt, a don’t get a stiffy from takin’ a dump, don’t be so fuckin’ crass ya plank.

Watson: “All am sayin’ is that you birds have it easy in that regard, that’s all! Insert somewhere moist, move back’ards an’ for’ards an’ jobs a good’n. Takes skill for a bloke to get a bird off, dunnit!”

Her eyes were still narrowed skeptic’ly but she released a bit’a the pressure on me knob an’ went back t’ gi’in little Ry a nice massage again. Never seen what the fuss is all a’bart wi’ feet, dunno why people find em sexy, but when a birds rubbin’ ya cock wi’ ‘ers, tha dunt complain, ya get me?

Kandis: “If he’s skilled enough, it’s easy enough… it’s just that not all guys are skilled enough. Most guys are too selfish to think about the woman’s needs anyway; as long as he cums, it’s a successful night all round and were left to either sort ourselves out or go to slee frustrated and unsatisfied.”

Watson: “Go to sleep? Ain’t is usually go home in your case, love?”

A were smirkin’ at ‘er, an’ she knew it were a joke, but that dint stop me from tensin’ up again as I expected another shove in the knackers from her conveniently placed foot. Dint ‘appen though, strangely enough.

Kandis: “A girl likes freedom of choice and to express herself. Better than being a prude that’s afraid of going for what she wants, isn’t it?”

Watson: “Not gonna ‘ear me complainin’ love… ‘specially not that this moment in time, anyroad…”

She got that twinkle in ‘er eye at that an’ suddenly the foot were removed an’ she were crawlin’ towards me across the sofa to straddle me.

Kandis: “I’d be concerned if you did complain if I’m honest. It may not be difficult to get a guy off, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take pride in my work…”

Smirkin’, a nodded at ‘er point before reachin’ forward an’ plantin’ both hands firmly on her arse, coppin’ a feel while simultaneously pullin’ her in closer at the same time so a could plant a kiss on her lips. Things quickly got ‘ot an’ heavy between the two’re us once clothes started comin’ off, an’ it dint take long before that were happenin’, our stuff strewn around various places in her apartment an’ Kandis were ridin’ me like Seabiscuit gallopin’ for the finishin’ line wi’ gusto.

Watson: “Keep this up… an’ ya gonna… brek me, love…”

Kandis: “Aww, am I being a little rought?”

She threw her head back, half laughin’ at me an’ half enjoyin’ herself before lowerin’ her head to look back at me again, slowin’ her grindin’ down to a barely noticeable speed as she leant her for’ead against mine an’ looked me in’t eyes.

Kandis: “Is this more like what you want? Slow and sensual, romantic even?”

Not sure which’re us laughed first at that. The fuckin’ idea of romance bein’ involved in any’a this were just hilarious but am not sure which’re us found it funnier. An’ then the pace picked up again wi’ a particularly rough thrust, but then settled into a rhythm less frantic than before. An ‘appy middle ground, a guess ya could say, an’ I wrapped me arms around ‘er back as we got back into the groove.

Kandis: “Hope you’re not starting to lose your stamina… time away from the ring can do that to you…”

Watson: “Never bin fitter… in me entire life… love…”

Aye, an’ if ya believe that ya’l believe out...

Watson: “Don’t worry about… me… just worry about you…”

Kandis: “Oh, I always do doll. I always do…”

That one were compounded by another hard grind against me, which drew a quick exhale’a breath from Kandis as she smiled, chewin’ on her bottom lip. Truth be told, maybe a weren’t quite in as good’a shape as a were when a were competin’, but a weren’t in such poor shape that a were gonna gi’ anythin’ less than hundred an’ ten percent. An’ I slapped Kandis on her ample arse to let her know it an’ all…

Kandis: “Like you mean it next time, huh?”

She winked at me as I slapped her again an’ then… well, a guess this is what started this whole stupid shit in’t first place, ain’t it.

Watson: “If that’s what ya want Autumn, you’ve only gotta ask…”

An’ the winner for biggest dickhead goes to…

…90 minutes earlier

Watson: “Can we pack it in wi’ this bollocks nah?”

Kandis: “No. Shut up. What made you do that?”

Watson: “Stupidity! Alcohol! Sex brain! Tek ya pick, love!”

Kandis raised an eyebrow at me an’ sighed, shakin’ her head. Evidently that weren’t enough for her an’ a weren’t gonna get away wi’ it that easy…

Kandis: “So you’re not ready to admit it yet then.”

Watson: “Admit what?! What the fuck is it ya want from me ‘ere, love?!”

Kandis: “The truth!”

Fuckin’ ‘ell, if it weren’t such a serious conversation ad ‘ave told her she cunt ‘andle the truth but summet tells me ad a’ve got a slap for doin’ that if a tried it an’ a were already in a shitty mood wi’ this whole bollocks she had me doin’ so a dint fancy compoundin’ that a bit further wi’ a stingin’ face an’ finger marks.

Watson: “Alright, fuckin’ ‘ell… just ge’ron wi’ it then!”

Kandis: “Tell me about what went through your head after you said it…”

…One Week Earlier

Oh what the fuck sunshine, what the fuck were that?! Talk about droppin’ ya self in it, ya stupid plank! Seriously, out’a all the dumb shit a bloke can do, callin’ a bird by the wrong name, that’s rate up theer at the top of the shit list, ain’t it? An’ it’s not like ya can play it off as a joke or just flat art deny it either, is it? At least a knew a couldn’t anyway, given me gob were about six inches away from ‘er ear at best when a said it. A don’t care how loud the sound of ball’s slappin’ against legs is, it don’t cover up the use of a wrong name in the heat’a the moment…

Kandis: “The fuck did you just call me?”

It wain’t come as any real surprise when a said that Kandis stood up wi’ more’n a hint of a slurpin’ sound an’ took a step back, not even makin’ an attempt to cover up the fact that she were as stark bollock naked as the day she were born, as she looked at me not in anger but in, I dunno, confusion maybe?

Kandis: “Dude, you just called me Autumn, didn’t you?”

What the fuck were a gonna say to that, eh? Not like a can just say ‘Nah love, a called ya amazin’ or ‘ya losin’ ya marbles love, a said this were awesome’ or somethin’ were it, ‘cause unless yer as gullable as Stacy Kissinger when someone tells her she dunt look like a slapped arse in a dress on any given neet, ya never gonna believe summet as dumb as that.

Watson: “A… it were… fuckin’ hell…”

A dint even know weer to begin, that were the problem. It weren’t just her that were surprised by the fact that’d just happened, it ‘ad me pretty fuckin’ surprised by it an’ all, an’ that’s puttin’ it bloody kindly, lemme tell ya! An’ Kandis, she just stood theer starin’ at me, half in disbelief an’ half in amusement it looked like, little Ryan already startin’ to droop now it were evident that playtime were over, probably for good too if a were any judge’a social situations… yeah, no shit Sherlock, this ain’t happenin’ again, that’s practically a dead cert.

Watson: “A guess this is where a should get me coat, ain’t it…”

Kandis: “Oh no dude, this is not where you get your coat and do a runner… the fuck just happened?! Autumn?! Really?!”

What were she expectin’, an’ explanation? A dint fuckin’ know me sen, so god knows what a were meant to say to ‘er!

Kandis: “I don’t even know where to begin right now, Ry… I mean, you called me the wrong name and that’s kind of fucked up, but I’m not even mad. I’m just shocked about what you called me! How long has that been going on?!”

Watson: “How long’s what been goin’ on? The fuck ya babblin’ about?!”

Kandis: “Oh come on dude, are you really going to try and pretend what just happened didn’t mean anything?!”

Ya damn fuckin’ straight I am! Am gonna bury me head so fuckin’ deep in’t sand that a can tell ya what Australians are havin’ for breakfast right at this very moment…

Kandis: “You just called me Autumn during sex, dude! Don’t you dare try and act like nothing just happened!”

What kinda world is it we live in these days when people reckon they can just chuck facts around at people wi’ impunity, eh?! Seriously, dint Kandis learn anythin’ from the fact that Donald fuckin’ Trump is the president nar?! A mean, come on!

Watson: “Nah, it’s fake news love… media spin, that’s all. Blame CNN or summet…”

Kandis: “Ryan Watson, I will punch you right in the dick if you try and brush this conversation off one more time, I swear to fucking god!”

Worryin’ thing is, I actually believed her. A mean, it’s not like a could exactly dodge such a move anyroad, is it? She were standing about a foot away from me, an’ I were sat there stark bollock naked in front’a ‘er wi’out so much as a cushion to grab from protection from anwhere around me, given they were now strewn all across the floor from the fun we were havin’ just a few minutes earlier before I ‘ad to open me big fuckin’ gob…

Watson: “The fuck ya want me to say, love? It just cem out, a dint mean to say it, can we just leave it at that?”

Kandis: “No fucking chance! We need to deal with this right now, because you know the rules bro; no feelings, no mush, no romance. I mean, this…”

She actually waved her arms vaguely between us, motionin’ to the two of us. I had to force me self not to laugh at her norks jiggling… weren’t the time for laughter, believe me.

Kandis: “This obviously has to be shut down for starters!”

Watson: “What, because a said the wrong name durin’ sex?! D’ya honestly think a blokes brain is workin’ when he’s gettin’ some, toots?! ‘Cause a’ve got some bad news for ya if that’s what ya think…”

Kandis: “Ryan, dude, who the fuck are you trying to convince here, yourself or me? Because I’m not buying your bullshit, even if you think it’s true, believe me…”

Sighin’, a stood up an’ walked over to where I thought me jeans were an’ findin’ ‘em, a slipped ‘em on. Evidently happy hour were over an’ a were feelin’ a little over-exposed if ya catch me drift, so puttin’ me trousers on helped that situation. Next step were to grab another top up from the jager bottle, ‘cause there were no way a wanted to start soberin’ up any time soon if this conversation were one a were gonna have to go through.

Kandis: “Is more liquor the answer, right now?”

Watson: “Believe me love, it really fuckin’ is…”

I could hear her huff from where a stood an’ didn’t need to see her to know she were rollin’ her eyes at me. As a turned, true enough, she were shakin’ her head at me.

Watson: “Oh cut it art will ya?! Ya makin’ a mountain out of a bloody mole hill ‘ere, don’t go shakin’ yer head at me when it’s you who’s readin’ way more into stuff than what’s theer!”

Kandis: “How the fuck can you say that after what just happened dude?!”

Watson: “Easy! First off, am completely fuckin’ pyjama’d rate now, so let’s tek that into consideration shall we? An’ on top’a bein’ hammered, a were in the middle of bein’ rid like a champion race horse, an’ we all know a bloke only ‘as enough blood to fill one head at a time, so yeah, a weren’t thinkin’… dunt mean we ‘ave to go all Dr Phil to discover what’s goin’ on beneath the surface!”

Turnin’ to grab the bottle of Jager, a made me way back over to the couch an’ dropped down on the opposite side to where a were sittin’ previously to avoid the sticky patch that were still glistenin’, an’ sat back.

Watson: “If ya wanna read too much into it love, a can’t stop thee, but from where am sittin’, which were a much more fun place a few minutes ago, there’s nowt to read into, other than me sayin’ summet dumb an’ probably hurtin’ ya feelin’s by callin’ ya the wrong name… an’ for that am definitely sorry, but other than that, a dunno what else there is to say.”

Kandis: “This isn’t about me being butt hurt over you calling me some other chicks name, dude, this is about you clearly lying to yourself! And now I know what’s going on, I need to get you to see—”

…90 minutes earlier

Kandis: “There! That! That moment right there is why we’re doing this!”

Watson: “The fuck you babblin’ on a’bart now?!”

Wain’t lie, a were gettin’ a bit annoyed by all’a this bollocks now. Okay, so I get why she thought there were summet to all’a this, a can see why it might look that way, but for fuck sake, wasn’t this all a little bit bloody dramatic?

Kandis: “I’m telling you dude, there’s way more to this than you’re admitting, and because you’re a stubborn cunt, we have to go through this song and dance routine in order to get you to admit what’s fucking obvious to see from the outside!”

Watson: “Look, Kandis, am not sayin’ a can’t see why it might look like there’s summet to all’a this, a mean a called ya the name’a me fake wife who a once asked to marry me for real an’ all that stuff, but come on love, d’ya really think it were more than a drunken fuckup durin’ some pretty good sex?”

Kandis: “Don’t try and get your way out of this by flattery dude, it won’t work. In fact, ‘pretty good’ is an insult, not a compliment. I know how good I am, alright? And regardless of whether you pull your head out of your ass or not, it won’t be happening to you ever again, so stop trying to cover for what you said and admit what we both know is true. You still love Autumn!”

Watson: “Woah woah woah, hold ya horses skippy, back up a minute! Put aside the me still love Autumn nonsense for a second an’ go back to the first bit. Ya puttin’ a stop to us?!”

Kandis nodded her head like she were doin’ her best bobblehead impersonation an’ a can’t say a were shocked by the revelation, but a were chuffin’ gutted by it!

Kandis: “I already told you a week ago dude, I don’t do emotions, okay? And as pigheaded you are with your denial, I know that you’ve got the feels and it may not be for me, but that’s still a whole heap of mess I don’t want anything to do with, so yeah, I’m shutting it down.”

Watson: “Don’t ya think ya jumpin’ the gun just a little bit?!”

Kandis: “Fuck no. I’m covering my ass, Ry, because otherwise I’m getting involved on a personal level with this mess, and I’d much rather be the chick that helps you see what’s in front of his face than the chick who sits on that face while your mind is somewhere else!”

Watson: “Now ya just bein’ ridiculous, love!”

Kandis: “No, I’m not. I reminded you last week about the fact I don’t get caught up in emotions and I also told you last week that this had to stop now that you made it about them. But we’re still friends dude, just without the benefits, and me not doing emotions doesn’t mean I can’t help you deal with yours, so shut up because we’re not finished yet!”

Couldn’t stop me self from sighin’ if me own life depended on it, an’ a sat back on the sofa wi’ me head restin’ against the back of the big sofa cushions as a looked up at the ceilin’; this were gettin’ fuckin’ weird nar, an’ the sooner we got it over with, the better. Kandis waited until I lowered me head again before goin’ on; nice of her to wait until I’d rediscovered the will to live before tryin’ to press on it again, weren’t it? Fuck sake…

Kandis: “You keep saying I’m reading too much into this, but I think you’re not reading enough into it! You were in love with Autumn for years, you guys are fucking married dude, even if it’s a sham… and now you’re using her name during sex with me? That’s gotta be the biggest Freudian slip ever!”

Watson: “It was an—”

Kandis: “Say it was an accident one more time and I’m punching you! Look, Ry, we’re good friends yeah?”

A nodded me head. Friends wi’ benefits until recently, but fuckin’ aside we were pretty tight outside’a the sack too, yeah.

Kandis: “Then just go with this, alright? I’m trying to help you out, and denying there’s anything going on isn’t going to change my decision about calling time on our fun, so what do you have to lose that you haven’t already lost?”

Watson: “Alright, alright, fine. Just get on wi’ it then… Spanish inquisition weren’t this bloody inquisitive, ya know that?!”

At least she chuckled at that, though god knows whether she knew about the Monty Python sketch or just found it funny generally.

Kandis: “Okay, so how about this… if I’m reading too much into this, then is there any other logical reason for why you’d have said her name during sex? Hmm?”

Decidin’ it were easier to just indulge her madness, a decided to give it some proper thought; me face were screwed up in concentration as a tried to think… then it hit me…

Watson: “Actually…”

…Three weeks earlier

A think the most awkward part about this whole fake marriage nonsense that I dragged Autumn into, is probably the livin’ arrangements thing; obviously, there were no two ways about it, we had to live together in order to spin the lie. Immigration could drop visits on us at any time an’ it had to look like we were livin’ together if or when they did, so I ‘ad no choice but move out of mine an’ are Tom’s place in San Dimas to move in wi’ Autumn in Anaheim really, regardless of whether it made things that bit more awkward, ya know?

It weren’t like we actually ‘ad to share a bed or owt like that, it were separate bedrooms wi’ me crashin’ in the guest room, but when I asked Autumn to do me the biggest favour ad ever asked from anyone, a dint really think about the impact it’d ‘ave on her life, more or less. A mean, a knew what impact it were gonna ‘ave on mine, dint a? It were either get married or piss off back hom’ to England an’ kiss goodbye to the life ad built over the last eight years. Even me parents were livin’ out ‘ere now, so a really had nowt to go back ‘home’ to anymore, not when home were here in the U.S now…

…but at the same time, a were bein’ selfish, ‘cause a dint really think about how much’re an impact it were gonna ‘ave on poor Autumn. It basically fucked up a lot for ‘er, ya know? A mean, she had this pretty good relationship goin’ wi’ Gibbles an’ now that were on’t rocks ‘cause’a this whole thing, which a took no pride in, believe me. An’ she went from livin’ alone to sharin’ ‘er ‘ouse wi’ me an’ all, which must’a been pretty weird, given our past. Doesn’t matter tahat we’d managed to rebuild a lot of what we once ‘ad to the point where we were super close as friends again, this whole situation ‘ad to bring up a lot’a old wounds, even if she weren’t gonna admit any’a that to me. It brought ‘em up for me, a won’t lie a’bart that, but Autumn ain’t the only pig headed one out’a the two of us an’ a sure as fuck weren’t gonna bring it up either.

That said though, all things considered it weren’t goin’ too bad. A mean, sure, maybe it were a bit weird for Autumn, havin’ me around as much as a were now, rather than just bein’ over to ‘elp ‘er wi’ ‘er promo’s whenever she needed or or to chill art from time to time, but at the same time a think the company were kinda nice, an’ she knew she could tell me to fuck off to me room or go see me parents if she did want some space, so overall it sort’a worked, ya know? It weren’t wi’out its fair share of awkward moments though, which should come as no s’prise a guess, what wi’ it bein’ Autumn Valentine we’re talkin’ a’bart ‘ere… an’ a guess this could be where the whole inappropriately timed use of ‘er name could’ve come from, thinkin’ back on it…

A were just mindin’ me own business in me room at Autumn’s place, or our place a guess you’d call it nar, pretty much ready for bed but wantin’ to finish off the episode’a whatever bullshit U.S tv show a were watchin’, a don’t even remember what it were now, when me phone starts vibratin’ on’t bedside table. In’t past, all notifications ‘ad the same vibrate patern, so ad probably ‘ave ignored it thinkin’ it were another spam email or maybe a twitter notification, but on me phone now, text messages had their own pattern, an’ that’s what it’d done so a reached forward an’ grabbed it, wonderin’ who’d be textin’ me at nearly 'alf eight at night, wonderin’ if it were you lookin’ for a late neet booty call or summet. But it were Autumn’s name that were showin’ on’t home screen so a stuck me thumb on’t home button to unlock it an’… well, fuck me, a weren’t expectin’ what a saw, a know that for sure…

Watson: “…the fuck?!”

A wain’t lie, me initial reaction were shock, more than owt; if a were to take a guess at what it were gonna be, a photo’a Autumn stark bollock naked were probably the last thing a were expectin’ an’ at first a just kinda looked at the screen kinda in shock. A mean, it weren’t exactly a bad’n, just showed ‘er arse basically, but fuckin’ ‘ell, talk a’bart outa left field, tha knows? But as a came to me senses after a few seconds, a started to get all these different thoughts runnin’ through me ‘ead… why’d she sent it? Did it mean what a thought it meant? Should a reply? Couldn’t play it off that ad not seen it, thanks to them stupid read reports on imessage so that weren’t an option. Should a go to ‘er room, which is where she obviously were, a recognised the décor. A were tryin’ to think of what to say when I ‘eard raised voices from down the hallway.

Autumn: “Oh fuck. Fuck! Shitty shit fucking fuck!”

Okay… erm… why? Then there were knockin’ comin’ from me door instead. Puzzled, a tossed me phone down on the bed an’ walked to the door, openin’ it to find Autumn stood there wi’ ‘er hair still wrapped in one towel, an’ another towel wrapped around ‘er body.

Autumn: “I need you to give me your phone. Right now. Seriously dude, right now.”

Watson: “Fuck off. What for?”

Autumn: “I, uh, need to delete something from it. Just gimme the phone Ry.”

So it dint take the genius of a rocket scientist to figure out what she wanted to delete, but what good would that do when she should know ad already opened the message?

Watson: “Ya know deletin’ it wain’t change the fact a’ve already seen it, right?”

‘Er eyes widened in alarm at that… evidently she dint realise ad already opened it then… fuck sake!

Autumn: “YOU OPENED IT?!”

Watson: “Ya should know that already! It says it at bottom of the bloody screen when someone’s opened ya message!”

Autumn: “DUDE! Why the fuck would you open that?!”

What the fuck were goin’ on ‘ere?! It weren’t like a were askin’ her to send me pictures of ‘er in’t nuddy, were it?!

Watson: “What the fuck am a meant to do when someone messages me, eh? Ignore it?! A din’t know what it were until I opened it an’ there’s suddenly an arse starin’ at me! Besides, you’re the one who sent it, it ain’t like I was pesterin’ for nudes like some loser on snapchat!!”

Autumn: “It was meant for Gable!”

Well, there were definitely a million miles away from what were runnin’ through me mind a minute or two earlier…

Watson: “An’ how’s that my fault?!”

Autumn: “IT JUST IS!”

Holdin’ the towel in place wi’ one hand, she started half slappin’ half shovin’ me wi’ ‘er other hand, an’ am gonna be honest, as much as a were meant to be annoyed by the fact that this were somehow my fault, all a could really do were laugh at the sight of her tryin’ to hit me while tryin’ to cling to her dignity. All that did were make her angrier.

Autumn: “This isn’t funny, dude!”

Watson: “Ya kiddin’?! It’s fuckin’ hilarious!”

Autumn: “Ugh, you’re so fucking frustrating! Did you at least delete it?!”

Watson: “A dint ‘ave chance to do out before you were hammerin’ on me door, ya muppet!”

Autumn: “YOU DIDN’T EVEN DELETE IT?!”

She started tryin’ to storm past me after findin’ out it were still there. In fact, she looked over at the bed an’ saw me phone screen where the photo were still open for ‘er to see an’ she started losin’ it even more. A weren’t even tryin’ to stop ‘er either, she just struggled to get past me ‘cause she were stuck between the open door an’ me, an’ she were tryin’ to cling to ‘er towel like her life depended on it at the same time an’ all. It were fuckin’ hilarious.

Autumn: “Just get out of my way already, Ry!”

Watson: “All yer ‘ad to do were ask, love…”

A shifted out’a the way to let her in’t room an’ she stormed over to the bed before grabbin’ me phone an’ set a’bart deleted the message. Took her a while to figure it out but she eventually got there an’ tossed the phone back down on the bed once it were done.

Autumn: “You’re an ass…”

Watson: “Again, it weren’t my fault ya sent it me by mistake!”

Autumn: “You didn’t have to look at it thought!”

Watson: “It just said I had a text from ya! So I opened it up and boom; arse, right there!”

Autumn buried her head in her hands, groaning. She were already glowing beetroot red to begin wi’ an’ clearly I weren’t helpin’ proceedin’s. It were still funny though, but am a cunt so what do I know, eh?

Watson: “Look, stop stressin’ a’bart it, will ya? It’s nowt I ain’t seen before, is it? An’ so it were meant for Gibbles an’ ya sent it me instead. So what? Me an’ Gable’ve gotta be the two people ya text most often, so it’s an easy mistake to make, ain’t it? Think ya textin’ one person an’ it turns out ya textin’ the next person darn. Big deal…”

Autumn: “You’re not making this any easier, dude…”

At least a think that’s what she were sayin’ anyroad, as she still had her face buried in ‘er ‘ands at this point. She looked up after that though, which thankfully meant a dint ‘ave to rely on guesswork over what she were sayin’.

Autumn: “And telling me it’s nothing you haven’t seen before doesn’t make it any less awkward either, because you’re not meant to see it anymore!”

Watson: “Hey now, am ya husband, remember?”

A were only tryin’ to lighten the mood, an’ ended up gettin’ the middle finger for me troubles. That’s gratitude for ya!

Watson: “Alright, not a time for jokes, my bad… but come on love, does it matter? Not the first time a’ve sin thee in’t buff is it? An’ it’s not like it were really showin’ owt anyway, a mean, a’ve seen as much in’t locker rooms ain’t a?”

Autumn: “That’s not the point though, Ry! In the locker rooms, in the past, that’s different. Me sending that is more personal than having to change on the road or at a show…”

Watson: “Yeah, but it ain’t like am gonna spread it all over the net or owt, an’ like a said, if a were gonna fantasise about ya, ad ‘ave more in’t old wank bank than a photo of your arse, love. Nice as it is an’ all that.”

Autumn: “Oh fuck my life… I’m leaving before you say anything else and I get the desire to stick my head in the oven.”

She turned an’ started headin’ for the door at that.

Watson: “Wouldn’t do much, it’s an electric oven…”

Autumn: “IT’S A FIGURE OF FUCKING SPEECH DUDE, JESUS…”

She were makin’ a hasty retreat as she said that, an’ a left it until she made it to the door before decidin’ to ‘ave a little more fun before she left.

Watson: “Did ya remember to delete it from me saved phota’s an’ all, or just from the text feed?”

She rounded on me so fuckin’ quickly at that, that am surprised she weren’t dizzy. Honestly, Dead or Alive could have been singin’ about ‘er wi’ that spinnin’ around song, the speed she rounded on me.

Autumn: “YOU SAVED IT?!”

A were already laughin’ me tits off before she’d even said ‘saved’ an’ she quickly caught on, flippin’ me the bird again before once again spinnin’ around… only this time it dint go as well as she hoped as her bath towel got caught on the door handle an’ it both popped open an’ got pulled away from her as she went to move an’ the look’a horror on ‘er face were hilarious as she tried to figure out what to cover up. Two hands an’ three things needin’ coverin’… in’t end, she just snatched the towel from the door an’ held it towards her body as she legged it back darn the hallway. A were laughin’ for quite a long time about that…

…90 Minutes Earlier

Kandis: “So she sent you a nude photo? That’s what you think made you say her name last week? Seems a little weak to me, dude…”

Watson: “A mean, it’d make sense when ya think a’bart it? See her naked for the fest time in years an’ suddenly am blurtin’ her name out in’t middle of gettin’ some?”

Kandis: “Dude, I post photo’s as provocative as what you described on twitter every Thursday…”

Watson: “An’ how d’ya know a don’t call other birds Kandis when am givin’ ‘em one, eh?”

She quirked a brow at the question… fuckin’ hate that expression on anyone, it’s the ‘a don’t believe a word ya just said’ look, it pisses me off.

Kandis: “As far as I know, you’re not giving anyone else one, Ryan…”

Watson: “Fair point… but maybe a crack one out instead when a see them photos ya post? A mean, a’ve got a decent collection of photo’s of ya at this point anyway…”

Kandis: “Yeah, but like you said, you already have better photos of me than what I post on twitter… but my ass isn’t important right now, Autumn’s is!”

Watson: “Sounds like the setup to a playboy article, that…”

She leant forward an’ grabbed a cushion from the floor to throw at me, which a had to swipe away before it ‘it me in’t face.

Kandis: “So why would that photo do what you say it did, huh? Like you said, you’ve seen more over the years… so why now?”

Watson: “I dunno…”

She pulled another face at me. What were a meant to do, pull the answers outa thin fuckin’ air?!

Watson: “What? A dunt! A’ve told yer already, I ain’t got a fuckin’ clue why a said it… am just playin’ along wi’ your stupid fuckin’ games to keep yer ‘appy at this point!”

That drew a long frustrated sigh from ‘er an’ a were hopin’ that that may mean she were gonna gi’ up. No such luck…

Kandis: “You really don’t want to admit it, do you? And don’t just say admit what, because I’m throwing something heavier next time if you do! Just, dude, listen to me… you’re into her. Or still into her, I guess? I mean you did ask her to marry you when you were dating… if she’d said yes instead of no, who knows what would have happened…”

Yeah, she ad a point wi’ that… a mean, a weren’t exactly proud’a the fact that a were a divorcee already – that whole mess wi’ Kennedy dunt bear thinkin’ a’bart – but who knows what me an’ Autumn would have been if she actually did say yes instead’a freakin’ out an’ sayin’ no when I asker ‘er to marry me…

Kandis: “And now you’re thinking about it, I can see it on your face… you don’t consider that stuff if there isn’t something to what I’m saying, dude. I might not feel it, but I do get it… so tell me about it. Tell me how much she means to you, or I dunno, tell me about your past or something…”

Fuck, where do I even begin?

A mean, where do ya begin, there’s just so much to look back on. A mean, it’s not summet ya really think about is it, until yer ‘ave to do… like, ya don’t sit theer an’ think a’bart what someone means to ya or think a’bart ya mem’ries unless ya given reason to an’ a’ve never been one’fer reflection like that, not unless am drunk as a skunk anyroad.

Wish a were drunk nar, havin’ to g’through this, to be honest… a dunt wanna drag all this stuff up an’ suddenly find a’ve opened up a can’a worms or summet, ya know? Last thing ya want is to overcomplicate an already complicated situation like the one am in. A mean, the whole marriage thing, causin’ trouble for Autumn an’ Gable, god knows where they’re at at this point, Autumn brushes it off when ever a mention it an’ I ain’t seen Gable in weeks, though am sure one of ‘em would’a said summet if they’d broke up, wouldn’t they?

Dunno why am askin’ you all this though love, am meant to be tellin’ ya stuff, not askin’ questions. Oh I dunt fuckin’ know Kandi, a mean… how d’ya summarise an entire relationship into a short enough blurb t’get someone to fuckin’ understand, eh? It were a mental ride from the beginnin’… a mean, a dunt know how much she’s teld ya ‘erself, but there’s two different Autumn’s in this world, the real one an’ the one they see in public. When we met, she were younger’n I thought she were… she had this public persona, this biography more or less; no one knew her real age, real name, none’a that stuff. An’ I saw this bird sunbathin’ in the garden at Pete an’ Christy’s house, back when they were still together, an’ a were besotted. A thought she were twenty at the time, that’s how old most people thought she were so why’d I question it, ya know?

Turned out she were seventeen. A remember the day she told me. We’d been datin’ a while but goin’ super slow, ‘cause she weren’t exactly the most experienced. She told me the truth about how old she were an’ I flipped out. She opened up to me a’bart some of ‘er biggest secrets, some of the things she hid from the world, an’ d’ya know what I did? I broke up wi’ ‘er.

Remember the words to this day… she tried to tell me she loved me, first time she’d said it I think, though am not certain a’bart that. But I stopped ‘er. Told her not to say it, I were convinced I were a dirty paedophile or some shit. A twenty five year old datin’ a seventeen year old, a felt dirty. A felt like a creep. An’ a told her, a remember sayin’ “don’t you dare say that fuckin’ word, not now” as she were cryin’ her eyes out, me tellin’ ‘er it were over…

What a dick. A mean, a get a were shocked, an’ a felt like a dirty fuckin’ at the time… but were there any reason to flip out the way a did back then? Did a not even take ‘er feelin’s into consideration? Evidently a dint, ‘cause a fuckin’ broke up wi’ ‘er dint a… an’ then a went off the rails an’ nearly slept wi’ me best friend an’ then did sleep wi’ some bint who’s name a don’t even remember at this point but she were mates with Collin Cole an’ Joss whatever his name were… went through a lot’a shit before a finally convinced Autumn to take me back an’ I only managed that ‘cause Zoe helped me out, helpin’ me wi’ me dress sense an’ even settin’ up a dinner wi’ Autumn wi’out ‘er knowin’ it were me she were meetin’…

A remember how hard it were to woo ‘er in’t beginnin’ as well. Like, in’t space of a few weeks a nearly set me self on fire ‘cause she’s a smoker an’ am not but a dint want her to feel like she couldn’t smoke around me so a pretended a were. We were in me car, an’ old beat up thing back in them days, before a could afford summet decent, an’ after it quickly b’came obvious a weren’t really a smoker, a went to flick the fag end out’a the window, only a dint realise me window weren’t even open an’ then a few minutes later a had to pull over rate quick ‘cause me jeans were startin’ to catch alight. An’ then there were the time where a dint want to tell ‘er I were allergic to shellfish ‘cause we were out for dinner at some fancy restaurant an’ she really wanted to try the gumbo an’ I ended up in anaphylactic shock, passed out in’t bathroom an’ woke up in’t hospital all ‘case she got me to try her food an’ a dint have the ‘eart to tell ‘er no. A literally risked death just’ta try an’ mek sure the neet were a special’n for ‘er…

But it were worth it in’t end, ya know? A mean, we ‘ad our fair share of up an’ darns, no doubt about that’n… but in’t end, once we get past all the hard stuff, got by the insecurities that were causin’ us trouble an’ stuff… we worked. We just worked. So bloody well. An’ there were a lot of insecurities to get past in’t beginnin’, ya know? Autumn were a virgin when we started datin’ an’ she were proper insecure about ‘erself so it were slow goin’ until she were comfortable. Our first time were pretty stressful in a lotta ways, which aint somethin’ ya should say a’bart ya first time…

Ad took her to New York for her birthday, flew ‘er there on a private plane owned by Gable of all people, who lent it us for the trip. We ‘ad an amazin’ day in New York city, did all the touristy stuff, went up the Empire State buidin’, shoppin’ on 5th avenue, went on one’a them carriage rides through central part an’ then back to our swanky penthouse suite that were way above our budget normally an’ then it came to time for us to, ya know… an’ when a finally get ‘er undressed a find all these… well, she weren’t rate kind to ‘erself in those days, let’s put it that way. She freaked out of course, tries coverin’ up an’ backin’ away, but we got there in’t end. She told me she loved me properly for the first time that day, wi’out any awkwardness an’ stuff…

…New York City, 2011

Watson: “There you are…”

A must’ve fallen asleep not long after our first time together… we’d been datin’ officially for weeks at that point, but we’d waited ‘cause a din’t wanna rush ‘er an’ she wanted it to feel right when it finally happened. Ya know what it’s like for ya first time a guess, ya dunt want it to be some fumble in the dark an’ all disappointin’ an’ stuff. At least most people don’t, anyroad. Can’t speak for you love, but a know Autumn din’t want that an’ I dint want it for ‘er either… ad like to think a helped make it special, all things considered, an’ a tried not doin’ the typically male thing’a fallin’ asleep rate after, though a must have drifted up at some point, ‘cause a woke up a little after midnight an’ a were alone in the bed. It didn’t take long to spot where she were; a could see her stood out on the balcony havin’ a smoke as a sat up in’t bed. Thirty seconds later, wearin’ boxers an’ me spurs shirt, a were makin’ her jump an’ nearly drop her cigarette as a made ‘er aware a were there.

Autumn: “Shit dude, you nearly gave me a heart attack…”

Watson: “Sorry love, dint mean to scare ya… just got worried when a woke up an’ ya weren’t there, that’s all…”

Autumn: “Oh. Yeah. Sorry babe. I couldn’t sleep so came out here to have a cigarette and enjoy the view. Beautiful, huh?”

Watson: “It is, aye…”

A weren’t lookin’ at the city below at that point, a were lookin’ at ‘er, an’ it took her a moment to realise that, but she eventually blushed wi’ a smile.

Autumn: “You’re so fucking cheesy at times, dude… but I kind of like it anyway…”

Walkin’ over to her, I kissed her on the side of the head before slippin’ an ‘and around her waist to actually take in the view that she were lookin’ out over before I rudely interrupted. It were pretty spectacular, all things considered. The Manhattan skyline is amazin’, especially at neet, when it’s all lit up an’ stuff. Bein’ there wi’ ‘er just made it that bit more special though.

Watson: “It ain’t that bad really, is it? A mean, it ain’t Sheffield, or London for that matter… but it’ll do…”

Autumn: “You really do carry that British pride thing with you everywhere you go, don’t you?”

Watson: “Am livin’ in a country where every fucker is rah rah America, love… someone has to remind you lot where you came from.”

She shook her head an’ sighed, but a could tell she were stiflin’ a little laugh an’ all; a may be annoyin’ to most people but at least a made ‘er laugh, an’ that were what were important at the end’a the day.

Watson: “How you feelin’ anyway, love?”

Autumn: “Okay. A little sore, but I expected that anyway…”

Watson: “A did try to be as gentle as a could…”

Autumn: “No, you did nothing wrong baby, it’s just… it’s how it goes, I guess? Can’t do anything about how anatomy works.”

Watson: “A know love, a know… just don’t like the idea of hurtin’ ya any more than unavoidable, ya know?”

Autumn: “I know baby, and I love that you care. I’m fine though, honestly!”

A still wasn’t sure how true that were, but a weren’t gonna argue. Her body ain’t anyone’s business but her own, ya know? That’s summet them law makin’ pricks in Georgia could do wi’ learnin’ an’ all, but we’ll not go theer. Autumn stubbed her cigarette out on the balcony railin’ an’ dropped the butt over the edge, watchin’ as it got picked up by the breeze an’ carried off instead’a fallin’ to the ground. Shiftin’ where a were stood, a slipped me other arm around her waist too, so a were holdin’ ‘er from behind an’ a leant mi chin on her shoulder.

Watson: “It really is a pretty nice view, ain’t it?”

Autumn: “It is. All those lights, all those people living their lives unaware of what else is going on outside their windows… you think anyone else is doing what we’re doing right now, standing on a balcony looking out and thinking about other people letting life consume them?”

Watson: “Dunno love. People are pretty ignorant to what goes on around ‘em for the most part, only payin’attention to their own lives an’ lettin’ everyone else’s pass em by… maybe there is someone out theer in that sea’a lights lookin’ back at us right nar, but a wouldn’t bet me car on it.”

Autumn: “Well I don’t want to let this pass me by, I want to remember this forever. It’s one of those perfect moments, dude, one of those landmarks in someone’s life and I’m glad it was with someone I love. I’m glad it was with you…”

Macho bollocks aside, a can’t really put into words how touched a were by that. To ‘ear someone like Autumn, who weren’t exactly one fer openin’ up at the best’a times, say something like that to me… it were special, it really were. We weren’t the most perfect couple in’t world, we ‘ad plenty’a problems leadin’ up to us finally sortin’ our shit art an’ makin’ it official… an’ theer we were, in New York, in’t early ‘ours of the mornin’, together. It were a moment to treasure, an’ a wain’t say it weren’t one that a thought were gonna be somethin’ we’d look back on years later, decades later, tellin’ us kids about… well, okay maybe not tellin’ us kids a’bart, ‘cause ya don’t wanna tell ya kids a’bart the first time ya went hammer an’ tongs d’ya? But maybe tellin’ ‘em a’bart when we first reailised we loved each other, spin it that way. Either way, it were summet that a thought we’d look back on in years to come… never expected it to be summet only a were lookin’ back on while tellin’ the story to a frind a were fuckin’ until last week while she points a camera at me though…

…Present day

Watson: “Is that more like what ya wantin’? Can a fuck off nar?”

Am not gonna say a weren’t feelin’ a little bit emotional, given everythin’ this were draggin’ up… a just wanted to get some air more than owt, the walls of Kandis’ place never felt so constrictin’ an’ a know it’s a small studio apartment, but a never felt like this before when in her place, so a bit’a fresh air would be appreciated, ya know?

Kandis: “Not yet… but I think we’re close. Tell me what it felt like when things ended between you…”

Watson: “Fuck sake love, ain’t we dragged enough stuff up already? Seriously, can’t a get a break?”

She shook ‘er ‘ead. Din’t even say no, just shook ‘er ‘ead expectin’ me to crack on wi’ tellin’ ‘er what she wanted. An’ like a daft cunt, a did…

Watson: “It broke me… Christy two thousand an’ twelve, Christmas eve to be exact. Ad been out injured for half the year, when a blew me knee in trainin’ an’ had to go under the knife. Them months off, sat at ‘ome on me arse watchin’ as everyone else went on a’bart their career, it helped put a lot into perspective, ya know? An’ a decided it were time to take the plunge… a mean, a saw me an’ Autumn as bein’ forever, ya know? Saw us married, kids, our own place all bought an’ paid for, growin’ old together, the lot…”

Pretty funny when ya think a’bart it, ain’t it? A mean, we ended up married in’t end anyway, only it were nothin’ like those images a had all them years ago. Shows what a tit a really were a guess…

Watson: “She said no for completely justifiable reasons, said the whole idea of marriage at such a young age scared ‘er but that it dint mean she weren’t ever gonna be ready… an’ ‘ow did a react? Like a complete twat. A dint try an’ see things from ‘er point’a view, instead a just flipped out ‘cause she’d said no, an’ bolted like a scolded puppy wi’ ‘is tail tucked between ‘is legs. What a fuckin’ joke ad turned into, eh? An’ to mek matters worse, a went round theer the day after, Christmas fuckin’ day’a all days, an’ actually broke up wi’ ‘er… am shocked she even talks to me anymore, never mind doin’ everythin’ she’s done for me over the last eighteen months. She were there, beggin’ me not to do it, tellin’ me time after time after time that she did love me an’ that she should’a said yes, that she did feel the same an’ all a could think about were me crushed pride an’ ‘ow she’d said no the night before… pathetic…”

Kandis: “You still feel bad about it now, even after everything that’s happened since?”

Watson: “Of course a bloody do, a were a massive dickhead who hurt the feelin’s of the one bird who’s ever loved me unconditionally. The one lass that’s not seen me as second best or seen her career or friends or social life as more important. The one bird that’s been happy regardless of whether we were in Paris in some fancy rest’raunt or in our pj’s at hom’ wi’ a carton of ice cream… an’ a blew it, a fucked it all up ‘cause a dint handle her rejection as well as a should’ve done…”

A weren’t proud of how a were actin’, even then… but after all these years, a definitely realise just how much of a fuckin’ dick bag a were that day. How much of a colossal twat a were for not even considerin’ how she felt when she said no. She did love me, it were just that a couldn’t look past the rejected to see that.

Kandis: “And how do you feel about her now? Knowing how guilty you still feel?”

She’s a clever cunt, that Kandis. We started this whole thing wi’ me tellin’ her she were talkin’ a load’a bollocks a’bart the whole thing, an’ wi’out me even realisin’ it, she’d got me talkin’ a’bart stuff that a were denyin’ only an hour an’ half earlier, give or take a few minutes. An’ it just came spillin’ art an’ all, me brain were on auto pilot by this point more’a less…

Watson: “Honestly? A dunno if there’s anyone else on this planet that gets me as well as she does…”

A sat back on the couch an’ let me head fall back against the cussions behind me, lookin’ up in’ta ceilin’ as a tried explainin’ what a meant.

Watson: “Don’t get me wrong love, you get me. An’ Ivy an’ all, she’s me best friend an’ has been since we were kids. An’ are Tom, he’s got an idea of who an’ what am a’bart an’ stuff… but Autumn, she saw through everythin’ from the very first day, saw through the act, through the bravado. We went through hell at times, a real up an’ darn ride an’ she still loved me regardless’a all of it. An’ a know it ain’t me she loves nar, an’ a know that am to blame for the trouble she’s ‘ad wi’ Gibbles, ‘cause if she dint agree to pretend to be wi’ me, them two would still be goin’ great guns, but in a way, am never gonna be over ‘er, ya know? Even if it were me who walked away at the time, it were me who upped an’ fucked off. An’ it’s ‘ard to put it all into words that don’t sound cliched or whatever but.. a guess…”

Ryan Watson: “A guess what am tryin’ to say, is that nobdie’s perfect… but when it all comes darn to it, ya not lookin’ for perfection, ya know? Ya search for perfection an’ ya may as well be searchin’ f’rever, ‘cause we’re all a little bit shit in different ways, ya know? An’ to be honest, as imperfect as it all were at times, as difficult as it could be… we worked. An’ it were a million t’one chance it’d work, but when push really comes to shove, million t’one chances happen more often than ya’d think. An’ if a could go back an’ do it all again, ad bust me bollocks to make it work, ‘cause fuckin’ up how a did is the biggest regret’a me life. Happy?”

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Watson: “What, we’re done?”

She were still gi’in’ me that smart arse told ya so look, but she nodded her head after a second, clearly satisfied wi’ a job well done.

Kandis: “Yeah dude, we’re done. We got there in the end, even if it was like pulling teeth along the way.”

Watson: “What, just like that?!”

Kandis: “You want to continue?”

Did a fuck! But… well… that seemed kinda sudden, ya know?

Watson: “I just, I dunno, I thought this were goin’ somewhere a guess? Like, there were some sorta point to it or whatever?”

Kandis: “You’re so fucking dumb Ry, you know that? This was the point! I just got you to admit how you really feel about Autumn an’ hopefully accept that there was a reason for you using her name last week. And as far as I’m concerned, you just did that. You’re obviously still in love with her even if you didn’t outright say it. Look at you, you have tears in your eyes dude, its cute but kinda pathetic…”

Watson: “Oh well cheers… ya mek me lay it all bare in front of a fuckin’ camera no less, an’ then call me pathetic when a do?”

Kandis: “Oh shut up, asshole. Stop getting so defensive.”

She laughed as she got up an’ walked over to the kitchen area to grab a couple beers from the fridge. Walkin’ back, she ‘anded me one an’ sat darn next to me on’t couch finally.

Kandis: “It is kind of pathetic… but it doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s adorable too. Am I a bit annoyed that I lost one of my toys? Sure. But I’m happy for you dude. I’m glad you’ve managed to figure out what’s been obvious to me since last week!”

Watson: “A never said a thought ya were right, love…”

Kandis: “But you do. And what happens now, well it’s up to you, but I’m gonna loan you the memory card from that thing and what you do with it is entirely your decision… but I think we both know who needs to see it, don’t we?”

She turned away an’ cracked ‘er beer open after that, as if her job were done, or a job well done maybe. A dunno, maybe that should be how she should feel, who knows. It were difficult, ‘cause a were still tryin’ to process this; after all these years, after everythin’… even knowin’ that until recently Autumn were in a pretty great relationship wi’ someone that a used to call a good friend? Were this really what a wanted to do? Did a really want to show Autumn what were on that memory card, an’ hope that it weren’t a one way street? Fuck knows what possessed me to think it were summet a should tell her, a mean there’s a lotta fuckin’ water under that bridge, ain’t there? For all a know, she cringes at the idea’a ever bein’ attracted to me like she once were… but Kandi were rate, a’bart all’re it. A were still in love wi’ Autumn, ad just been ignorin’ it for years an’ that weren’t fuckin’ ‘ealthy, were it? Neither were spillin’ me guts to Autumn either, a guess, but should a do it anyway? A mean, there were so many negatives that could come from it, weren’t the? Worst case scenario were that she kicked me art, filed for divorce – ironic, in a sense – an’ me arse got deported back to England. In which case ad just delayed the inevitable wi’ all’a this stuff an’ a were a double divorcee, but what if. Were it all worth the risk? What if this were how all that a once dreamed a’bart for me an’ ‘er actually came true?! That’d be worse it, rate? Fuck…